prolix: blog

Awakening?

2007-11-17T14:33:00.000Z

Say, what's this? I vaguely remember this patch of webspace. It used to be alright but then it got all monotonous and rudderless towards the end.

I hope if it has a rebirth that it's one based on ideas and direction as well as merely breathing again. If someone could pass those sentiments on to old Gordy as well I would be grateful.

Thanks.

Icky Thump

2007-05-25T09:09:00.000+01:00

Stereogum have got hold of a copy of the new White Stripes video and it's bloody brilliant. A song named after a Yorkshire colloquialism, Meg as a one eyed prostitute and Jack as a drunken gringo. Honestly, what more could you ask for? Social commentary on US immigration policy? Well, there's that too with this brilliant verse:

"Well, Americans,
What, nothing better to do?
Why don't you kick yourself out?
You're an immigrant too.

Who's using who?
What should we do?
Well you can't be a pimp
And a prostitute too."

But you probably just want to see the video, so here you are:

Tags: white stripes | icky thump

Last one

2007-05-24T19:06:00.000+01:00

Probably.

Good to see the Milan fans getting in to the spirit.

Tags: ac milan | liverpool

Forza Milan!

2007-05-23T20:54:00.000+01:00

Just 45 more minutes.

Update: THERE IS A GOD! (And it's not Robbie Fowler)

Why Leon? WHY?!

2007-04-30T21:38:00.000+01:00

Back in March, the blues headed to New York for a team bonding trip. They seemed to enjoy themselves, look at the joy in Leon Osman's face for example:

Words fail me!

Tags: leon osman | everton

Stat of the day

2007-04-28T09:54:00.000+01:00

What do Carlos Bocanegra, Hameur Bouazza, Emile Heskey and 48 others have in common?

They've all got more Premiership goals than Andriy Shevchenko.

That list in full:

51 players with more goals than Shevchenko

Premiership scorers 2006-07

19 Didier Drogba (Chelsea)

16 Cristiano Ronaldo (Man Utd)

15 Benni McCarthy (Blackburn)

13 Wayne Rooney (Man Utd)

12 Kevin Doyle (Reading), Yakubu Aiyegbeni (Middlesbrough), Dirk Kuyt (Liverpool)

11 Frank Lampard (Chelsea), Nicolas Anelka (Bolton), Obafemi Martins (Newcastle), Darren Bent (Charlton), Bobby Zamora (West Ham), Robin van Persie (Arsenal), Andrew Johnson (Everton)

10 Thierry Henry (Arsenal), Mark Viduka (Middlesbrough), Nwankwo Kanu (Portsmouth)

9 Peter Crouch (Liverpool), Brian McBride (Fulham), Emile Heskey (Wigan), Dimitar Berbatov (Tottenham)

8 Gareth Barry (Aston Villa), Louis Saha (Man United), Robbie Keane (Tottenham), Gilberto Silva (Arsenal), Matthew Taylor (Portsmouth), Mikel Arteta (Everton), Rob Hulse (Sheff Utd), Gabriel Agbonlahor (Aston Villa), Jermain Defoe (Tottenham)

7 Steven Gerrard (Liverpool), Ole Gunnar Solskjaer (Man Utd), Shabani Nonda (Blackburn), Emmanuel Adebayor (Arsenal), Leroy Lita (Reading), Craig Bellamy (Liverpool)

6 Paul Scholes (Man Utd), Salomon Kalou (Chelsea), Gary Speed (Bolton), Henri Camara (Wigan), Hameur Bouazza (Watford), Joey Barton (Man City), Jermaine Jenas (Tottenham), Kevin Davies (Bolton), Morten Gamst Pedersen (Blackburn)

5 Carlos Bocanegra (Fulham), Michael Ballack (Chelsea), El Hadji Diouf (Bolton), Benjani Mwaruwari (Portsmouth), Park Ji-sung (Man Utd), Tim Cahill (Everton)

Tags: andriy shevchenko | chelsea

The best and worst signings of the season, part 2

2007-04-27T10:37:00.000+01:00

Now for the worst:

Andriy Shevchenko - £30m. 'Nuff said. Looks a passenger and along with Ballack caused the change in formation (to accommodate them) that has made Chelsea less effective.

Ashley Young - This still might turn out to be a good signing but just not this season. The £9.75m fee was always for potential rather than current level of play and it's certainly looked that way as Ashley struggles to fit in.

Stilian Petrov - I think this transfer highlights the difference in quality between the Scottish and English premier leagues, Petrov was the Steven Gerrard of the SPL, in the EPL he is better compared to Damien Francis.

Carlos Tevez/Javier Mascherano - West Ham weren't doing too badly until this bizarre deal and though Tevez is behind the late, late fight backm it's too little too late.

Ashley Cole - Looks a shade of the player Arsenal sold and Chelsea have missed Gallas more than they've benefited from Cole who has done nothing that Wayne Bridge couldn't have done.

Matthew Upson - Has he played 45 minutes yet? Will he before he leaves? Doubt it.

Edit: As Aidan rightly points out in the comments. I've got the wrong Petrov! Now updated - my sincere apologies to Martin who no doubt has performed admirably this season.

Tags: premiership | football

RIP Alan Ball

2007-04-25T19:13:00.000+01:00

Rest in peace Alan. One of the finest players to ever call Goodison Park their home ground and a member of the Holy Trinity along with Harvey and Kendall.

A sad day.

Tags: everton | alan ball

The best and worst signings of the season, part 1

2007-04-23T18:57:00.000+01:00

The summer is a time of hope for football fans. The season past is either remembered for it's triumphs and achievements or cast away to the back of your mind as you dream of the signings to be made. Constantly checking the teams website/s for news of that galactico you've been expecting (only to find that David Weir's contract has been renewed). Anyway, this is a review of the best and worst signings of the season.

First, the best:

Benny McCarthy - A snip at the £2.5m that Mark Hughes paid Porto, the South African has scored for fun both domestically and in Europe.

Joleon Lescott - I wasn't sure what to think when we agreed a deal that could rise to £5m for an untested centre half with possibly suspect kneecaps. Joleon though, has been nothing short of brilliant for Everton, seemingly equally adept at left back as in the centre, he is calm under pressure, quick of feet and mind and a goal threat to boot. I've lost count of he number of times I've seen him nonchalantly stroll out of the defence having just taken the ball from the oncoming attacked like candy from a fat baby.

Dimitar Berbatov - People doubted Jol when he brought the Bulgarian to Spurs, memories of Rebrov were still painfully unforgotten and the hefty fee of £10.5m would require some real results in response. Berbatov didn't disappoint, his all round play has been superb and Spurs have had a partnership upfront rather than merely two strikers. Sublimely talented and not goal shy, Jol unnearthed a gem in the Godfather fan.

Nwankwo Kanu - Went off the boil after Christmas but Kanu and the man below were the Sol (ahem) reasons why Pompey came out of the traps like lightning.

Sol Campbell - Formed a solid partnership with Linvoy Primus and their pairing with former England teammate David James made for a watertight backline.

I feel I should also mention two inspired loan signings, namely the deals that brought Jonothan Woodgate and Henrik Larsson to the Premiership. Woodgate shored up a Boro defence struggling to cope without the influence of veteran Southgate at it's heart. While United received a mid season pick-me-up from the tried and tested Larsson, just as injuries were starting to take hold. He may not have scored many, but his contribution was crucial.

I'll be naming and shaming the worst signings later this week.

Tags: premiership | football

What's in a name?

2007-04-22T16:48:00.000+01:00

Dictionary.com seem to have come full circle; I originally came by the web pseudonym of prolix (or pr0lix for legal reasons...) courtesy of their Word of the Day service about 4 years ago. And would you believe what I found in my inbox this afternoon? They've only gone and recycled, you can't tell me they've used every word in the language already. Pnar.

Tags: dictionary

Butcher inspires Everton win

2007-04-07T10:17:00.000+01:00

Oh no wait, that bandaged and bloodied warrior was our own Lee Carsley!

It's been so long now, that I couldn't imagine a season without a bald maniac in our midfield.

Carsley has had a renaissance of late and has arguably been our best player since the turn of the year, it certainly highlights what we missed last season and how our form suffered as a result. I read a great comment about 'Roberto' Carsley this morning, it summarises succinctly how Evertonians' have changed their minds regarding the Irishman:

"It was a sad day when he arrived, it will be a sadder day when he leaves."

It was certainly true that when Walter Smith paid Derby a not inexpensive fee for Lee, we wondered what the hell he was doing - a familiar feeling under the stewardship of Smith. He was signed on the same day as a well past it David Ginola and understandably it went unnoticed by football at large. When Real Madrid came in out of the blue for Thomas Gravesen 2 seasons ago to shore up their midfield and replace the departed Makelele, it was a common joke on Toffees that they'd got the wrong man - Carsley was the enforcer of our Mitchell Bruvvers midfield pairing - Gravesen, the enigmatic creative spark. Perhaps with Gravesen now long since gone and Madrid still leaking goals like a punctured sieve they'll admit their mistake and come back for our Lee. I'm not sure they could afford him anyway.

Tags: lee carsley | everton | fulham

Brooker on the Apprentice women

2007-04-07T10:11:00.000+01:00

In his inimitable style, Charlie Brooker perfectly sums up the way that The Apprentice is headed and dragging the reputation of women in business with it:

"Things get worse (and therefore paradoxically better) this week, as the contestants' task consists of being handed £200 and commanded to make money via any means necessary. Depressingly, the girls spend half their time bickering and the other half selling kisses to pub drunks. What with this, and the incident last year where the girls swanned around in low-cut tops flirting with barrow boys to get a discount on some bruised fruit, it seems no one's keener to set the cause of women in business back 30 years than some of the women themselves. At this rate, they'll be giving blowjobs in phone boxes by series eight."

Tags: charlie brooker | apprentice

The Sunday Supplement table are furious

2007-03-25T11:21:00.000+01:00

Jimmy Hill's Sunday Supplement. Anyone seen this show?

A mumbling Jimmy is joined at the breakfast table by three newspaper journalists of a Sunday morning to comment on the week in football. Typically - as with all breakfast based programming - none of the food is ever eaten. To be fair, there isn't much time for that, not with all the footballing clichés and tabloid guff they have to spout.

The show follows the same theme every week, and by this, I mean that is EXACTLY the same each week. Jimmy rants about footballers' earnings compared to 'his day' and bemoans the lack of a 'number 9' for England. The others try and tell him that Shearer has retired, but Jimmy won't have it. Then it gets to the favoured topic of England's failings, Jimmy tries his damnedest to restart the 'number 9' debate but noone will take him up on it. So he moves on to a lack of passion and discipline in the players, leaving just enough time to blame the entire problem of England's ineptitude on the influx of foreigners.

Every week.

Oh for a return to his wilder days - you'll need to wash your eyes out after that one.

Tags: england | jimmy hill

Everton top six stat

2007-03-22T19:28:00.000Z

Interesting statistic on the official Everton site today:

"In a league table of matches between sides in the Premiership's top six Everton are currently placed second behind Manchester United and ahead of Chelsea, Liverpool, Arsenal and Bolton.

That point is illustrated by victories this season over Liverpool, Arsenal and Bolton coupled with draws at Anfield and The Emirates.

But for Chelsea's late flurry in the league meeting at Goodison, Manchester United would be the only side in the top six to have secured victory against the Blues."

Now, if we could only learn to take points from Man City, Villa and Charlton...

Tags: everton | premiership

Speedway again

2007-03-21T21:03:00.000Z

Well, I did warn you that this might happen. I've gone and set up a speedway specific blog.

Hosted on Wordpress - which has been a delight to use thus far - it will contain all my speedway related outpourings meaning that readers of this blog aren't subjected to posts that don't interest them and hopefully to attract some readers to the new blog who similarly wont have to put up with my usual ramblings about football, music and current affairs. There is a major gap in the ~~marketplace~~ (can you tell I have just watched Dragons' Den?) blogosphere in terms of speedway and so hopefully I can get the ball rolling there.

Anyway, this should be the final mention of the sport here so add Hans Anderson's Swear Box to your bookmarks if you feel inclined or never hear of speedway here again. Probably.

Note: Some of my images aren't displaying at the moment due to Photobucket experiencing some technical problems.

Tags: speedway | photobucket

All hail to Moyes and Everton

2007-03-18T20:34:00.000Z

What a performance. Such a contrast from our last match against North London opposition - in the Spurs game, Moyes was roundly booed by elements of the support for his negative tactics and defensive substitutions. We went on to lose the game at the death. So to win at the death today - following a quite brilliant attacking performance, a promising first start for a young striker and an inspired substitution - was more than satisfying, particularly as it happened on Moyes' fifth anniversary.

Arsenal were injury hit in their defence (not their actual defence) but that shouldn't detract from a positive Everton showing. The old guard of Stubbs and Carsley played blinders, the former was a rock in defence whilst the latter probably played his finest game in a 4-4-2 for the club. If only he could have had that thunderbolt that cannoned off the cross bar go in. New boy Manny Fernandes improves with every game and together with Carsley he had the measure of the Arsenal midfield - on one occasion in the first half he made an absolute mug of Fabregas, hopefully that might find its way on to YouTube soon. Johnson was his usual harrying self and it was a fine finish for the goal - in quite atrocious conditions - but not one glove wearer in the Everton 11.

The march for Europe continues.

Update: That video now exists, see below:

Sign him up Davey.

Tags: everton | arsenal

Sophie Blake

2007-03-17T19:43:00.000Z

Of course, for many, an additional attraction of Sky's speedway coverage is this lady:

I can't think why that would make any difference though...

Tags: speedway | sophie blake

Return of Speedway

2007-03-17T19:04:00.000Z

It's all happening in terms of motor sport this weekend. We have the return of Formula 1 - Doctorvee is doing a great job of liveblogging every moment - and also the return of my particular favourite motor sport, Speedway.

It's not as well known as it deserves to be so for those unaware of the sport. Speedway is a form of motorcycle racing which takes place on a flat oval track on a surface of dirt or loosely packed shale. The racers use this surface to slide their machines sideways (powersliding) into each corner using the rear wheel to scrub-off speed while still providing the drive to power the bike forward and around the bend. Races feature four riders and are four laps long.

The bikes themselves are fairly unique in that they have no gears and no brakes. They run on methanol and accelerate faster pound-for pound than Formula 1 cars. The only way to stop a speedway bike is to pull a cut-off switch which is tied around the riders' wrists - a safety feature to deactivate the engine in the event of a crash.

Speaking of crashes, it's not uncommon for riders to collide such is the competitive nature of the sport and the relatively confined track. This YouTube video shows some of the crashes from recent years. Be warned, the audio is very loud on this. Quite why the Prodigy's Voodoo People was used ahead of their track actually titled Speedway, I don't know!

As a child, I used to attend home fixtures of the Eastbourne Eagles team with my parents but I've not been to the track for a long time now. Fortunately, Sky bought the rights to the sport and do an excellent job with it, you can't beat the atmosphere track side though, with the smell of methanol and dirt in the air.

Anyway, this was a brief post (well, it was supposed to be) to announce the arrival of the new season. I'll be posting a lot about it over the course of the next seven months so you've been warned.

Tags: speedway | elite league

England beat France in the 6 nations

2007-03-11T18:00:00.000Z

And Toby Flood still finds time to fight over a balloon with a French counterpart.

Tags: rugby | 6 nations

You're fired, or not

2007-03-09T12:01:00.000Z

Story.

Tags: levy | alan sugar

Guido's Restaurant (and Wine Bar!)

2007-03-08T19:08:00.000Z

So, I walk past this place every lunch break whilst at work:

And I happened to notice a new sign up in the window:

Perhaps he's otherwise engaged deleting comments and admiring his visitor stats.

Tags: guido

Breaking News

2007-03-07T11:40:00.000Z

Valencia to be thrown out of the Champions League after drawing Liverpool in the quarter finals.

Mark my words, it's almost a dead certainty.

Update: Ok, so it didn't happen quite like that. Liverpool couldn't have wished for a better draw though.

Tags: liverpool | valencia

Au4 - Everything Always Moving

2007-03-04T11:43:00.000Z

My love for all things shoegaze is no secret. Stumbling around the mp3 blogosphere this rainy Sunday morning, I came across a quite brilliant video from Vancouver based Au4. Their debut release is described as being "an uplifting, ethereal trip through the rhythms of nature and the nature of dreams, mixing blissed-out ambience with melodic, fairytale songs". Which sounds pretty damn impressive I'm sure you'll agree. Anyway, the video then, is a short they play at their live shows and it's bloody brilliant:

Tags: au4 | shoegaze

Scarcely believeable

2007-03-01T19:55:00.000Z

Tags: red nose day

Bellamy in trouble?

2007-02-18T19:10:00.000Z

Who could have foreseen that happening? Yes, this is the story that on Liverpool's team break to Portugal, Craig Bellamy took offence to John Arne-Riise's reluctance to take part in the karaoke and later attacked the Norwegian with a golf club in a drunken frenzy.

Liverpool FC are refusing to comment on the story.

Prolix wonders if it was a big or a small club.

Tags: liverpool | riise | bellamy

Champagne (Supernova) Socialist

2007-02-16T16:45:00.000Z

You have to laugh. Noel Gallagher has come out with a scathing attack on Prime Minsister Blair (all attacks on the PM are scathing these days). After being wooed by our Tone at number 10 back in those heady days of '97 when we were on the crest of change and things could only get better ... blah blah ... Cool Brittania etc. Noel has seemingly changed his opinion on the former Ugly Rumours frontman and in the style of his and his brother's usual 'we have another dire dad-rock album coming out and need some coverage, I'll make a derogative comment about the current music scene' technique has sought to cast aspersions on Blair's performance. If it's as bad as Oasis were at the Brits, he's in real trouble. Noel's got form of this of course, there were the infamous comments that Jack White looks like Zorro with a doughnut addiction and that George (Harrison) was always the quiet Beatle - maybe he should keep that up. His brother has said that Chris Martin looks like a geography teacher (he had to get one right, though the line itself might well be borrowed from Marcus Brigstocke), Radiohead are a bunch of Morris dancers and then on Jake Shears of the Scissor Sisters - "I’m more entertaining than that cocksucker. And I’ll rip his fucking vocal chords out any day because he’s fucking rubbish." Nice. I find that homophobic outbursts in the NME always help me sell my new album.

Even the headline from the BBC story makes me choke with laughter:

"Oasis's Noel attacks Blair record"

Noel is in the proverbial glasshouse if he's going to start attacking people's records. If the PM had had the misfortune to sit through Be Here Now then we could easily be switching some of the words around to make the equally legitimate headline - Labour's Tony attacks Oasis record.

But then it gets better! Gallagher goes on to say that David Cameron is "no different" from Blair and that he is "like a songwriter who's eternally ripping off someone else's song".

Oh dear, oh dear. Noel has moved out of the glasshouse and into a bloody glass mansion with that one. It is well known that Oasis are rivalling the Bootleg Beatles as the nation's favourite tribute act to the fab-four and that their songs have often borrowed from T-Rex and The Stones (Noel has even admitted that the melody for Live Forever was ripped off the Stones' Shine A Light).

So to sum up, we have a fading rock star fronting a useless band of has beens. And then we have Noel Gallagher.

Tags: oasis | noel gallagher | tony blair | labour

Seven Things

2007-02-16T16:17:00.000Z

Patroclus has found herself completing a meme - Seven Things. It's as self-explanatory as the instructions for making toast and I have five minutes to kill, so here we go:

Seven Things I Have Wanted To Be

1. A pedal steel guitar maestro
2. A journalist (it was short lived)
3. An MP (that as well)
4. Better able to grow sideburns
5. More comfortable in social situations
6. A footballer (because *that's* original)
7. A faster reader

Seven Things I Have Been

1. An electrical engineering apprentice (for three months)
2. A shoegazer (and the use of the past tense here is factually incorrect)
3. A Frosties competition winner
4. Long haired
5. A bronze medal winning member of the England junior Karate squad
6. The proud manager of an all conquering football team (on Football Manager)
7. Rejected for a skateboarder...

Tags: meme

Linklog pruning

2007-02-14T19:55:00.000Z

I've updated the linklog for the first time in over a year. Gone are Guido Fawkes, Nick Robinson and Jawbox.

Robinson and Jawbox update too infrequently (yes, I appreciate that this is slightly hypocritical) and the former hardly needs the traffic. The more prolific Guido has been dropped as a result of the done to death saga that was 'Blog Wars!' I didn't feel that he came out of it very well at all and that's an understatement.

Added is The Spine, a daily updated satirical take on current issues - but it's better than that rather generic description suggests. A lot better.

Nothing says happy Valentines like child poverty

2007-02-14T18:36:00.000Z

Today saw the publication of a UNICEF report on the performance of 21 industrialised countries in child well-being. Titled ‘Child Poverty in Perspective: An Overview of Child Well-being in Rich Countries’, the report looks at the performance of countries over 40 indicators based largely on 2000-2003 data.

The findings did not show the United Kingdom in the best light, ranked 21st; the UK was in the bottom third for five of the six categories. In fact, closer reading of the standard deviation tables reveals that there is a greater distance between the UK in 21st and Hungary in 19th than there is between 9th and 19th.

It could have been worse, there were more countries which out performed the UK but as there was insufficient data in other categories, they had to be omitted from the final comparison.

The particular findings that struck me were that only 40% of UK children consider their peers to be kind and helpful, the figure for Switzerland was double this at 80% and child poverty in the UK has doubled since 1979. The UK fares terribly in terms of risk behaviours, particularly in cannabis use, drinking to drunkenness and underage sex. There’s a message to social conservatives in there as well, in that the UK has a far higher percentage of children smoking cannabis than the Netherlands (whose accessibility to drugs is much vaunted and often disparagingly so). We also have a higher number of children who have been drunk than the tabloid favourite stereotypical beer swilling Germans and a higher number of sexually active children than countries with lower ages of consent (Spain, Portugal to name but two).

On the positive side of things – almost within living memory, 1 child in every 5 in the cities of Europe could be expected to die before their fifth birthday; today, this risk is less than 1 in 100.

Finding internationally comparable data must have taken a considerable amount of work for UNICEF; it’s often the case that different local authorities in the UK report on slightly a different basis - let alone trying to collate, analyse and present data for 21 countries. The report impresses in other ways to, UNICEF recognise and indeed highlight any potential risks to the data quality. For example, the use of vehicles per household is used as an indicator of family affluence but as the report rightly states, this figure would be affected by the level of urbanisation and the quality of public transport within the country.

So to sum up - move to Scandinavia...

Update:
A quick evening browse through the right leaning blogs suggests that my praise of UNICEF isn’t similarly felt by the increasingly predictable Conservative Home, the recently maligned Iain Dale or (the new to me) Tim Worstall. The position of Tory Home and Dale in particular seems largely based on one element of the 52 page report, an element that was barely even touched upon within the document itself but brought up via the media interpretation of the UK’s pitiful showing - the administration responsible. In the same spirit as my (possibly paranoid) staunch defences of Everton football club, Dale especially has rubbished the findings of the entire report on the basis that Thatcher couldn’t possibly be in anyway responsible. Now, I don’t see as Labour can spin their way out of this either - they had served almost an entire period of office during the period that this data is based on - but the Conservative government from 79 to 97 at best contributed to the appalling state of affairs and at worst are largely responsible for it.

Tags: unicef | children

3-0 on Aggregate - not bad for a "small club".

2007-02-04T11:28:00.000Z

"You could see one team that wanted to win and one who didn’t want to lose. It is not easy when they play narrow and deep .It makes it difficult to create chances and you just have to keep going. When you play against small clubs, they always try to do the same thing."
- As said by Rafa Benitez after yesterdays 205th Merseyside derby.

[I'm going to try and keep this brief. Far too much of this blog is me going off on one about anti-Everton press comments.]

If Rafa had played two wingers rather than Pennant and centre forward Dirk Kuyt on the flanks – perhaps his team may have had more width about them? One team can play narrow but if the opposition ask no questions from the channels then whose fault is that? It takes two to play narrow and that's what happened.

It wasn't like Liverpool were playing in an flowing Arsenal-esque fashion either, their tactics seemed to be shoot from 30+ yards out, give it to Pennant to lose to (the outstanding) Lescott or lump it long to Crouch where it will be eaten up by Yobo and Stubbs. Hardly the 'total football' one would expect from hearing Benitez's post match comments.

As for the small club comment - I think he will regret that for the rest of his time in the city. Need I point out that Everton had won their first title before Liverpool's inception and that the reds still play in Everton's old ground today. This is without mentioning the huge chasm between the two clubs spending budgets over the last decade.

It wasn't the best of matches but far from being a formality win for the home side (who are 29 unbeaten at home having won 24 of those), Everton had the two best chances of the match in Hibbert's early shot and a glorious second half chance for Andy Johnson. Liverpool were frankly lacklustre and never likely to get past a resilient backline had wee played a further 90 minutes.

Anyway, I trust that Benitez is going to have Liverpool go on an all out offensive in Barcelona then? Or will he revert to the desperately dour tactics that he regularly employs on Liverpool's European travels?

3-0 on aggregate to the small timers.

Tags: liverpool | everton | rafa benitez

Richmond Fontaine return!

2007-01-17T21:00:00.000Z

Richmond Fontaine are almost certainly my favourite band and they have seen fit to grace us with another album this February (released in the UK on the 8th). I'll be posting about this at greater length in the not to distant future, so for now, just enjoy this video of the boys, it's a track called Capsized and it appears on the soon to be released Thirteen Cities:

Tags: richmond fontaine

Why Thierry Henry shaves his head...

2007-01-09T19:18:00.000Z

Tags: thierry henry

Breaking news

2007-01-03T19:34:00.000Z

I've not had the best of new years thus far. I'm (hopefully) now on the mend following a particularly unpleasant bout of something, it had the hallmarks of a 24 bug but lasted longer and also included fever, aches and a horrendous sore throat. Apparently "there's a lot of it about at the moment", so be on alert, ok? Thanks to all the people who have wished me a happy birthday, it wasn't the best day (see bug) but I got by. I've got a few blog posts lined up over the next few days so keep any eye out for those and if anyone fancies a read there's always the Chelsea debate in the comments of the previous thread!

Anyway, I was watching rolling news a lot these last 48 hours, it was about all I could manage and in a state of disorientation I thought of the following:

I know, it's hardly Beau Bo D'Or.

Blame the paracetamol.

Mourinho, Toys, Pram,

2006-12-28T10:31:00.000Z

"So many injuries, such a small squad, we sold Gallas and Huth, Shevchenko is useless, only Drogba is any good..." wahhhhh etc...

Shut up, you moaning twat. Your club has spent 350 million on players since July 2003 and whose fault is it exactly, that you sold two central defenders in the summer and only brought in a Dutchman who seems utterly inept (another 7m)?

Every club has injuries. Not every club has bottomless sums of cash to bail themselves out.

Everyone else's sides still got aching from this?

Tags: mourinho | chelsea

So, that was Christmas

2006-12-26T11:18:00.000Z

and what have we done?

Well, I've eaten an absurd amount of food. Drunk a lot of wine and for the most part been rather merry - I understand that to be protocol. Here are a couple of shots from the day:

More at my Flickr page.

I hope you had a Christmas as pleasant as mine. Sounds like Mr Angry did:

"So how would you mime the third syllable in 'Casablanca'? You'd think i'd done it nude the way some of them reacted..."

He liveblogged the whole charade (literally) from his mobile. Makes for an amusing read.

Tags: christmas | xmas | photos

Mealy Mouthed Mourinho Makes aMends

2006-12-20T19:52:00.000Z

So, there it is.

'The special one' has seen fit to apologise. A good day for Everton, a good day for the reputation of Andy Johnson and a good day for football.

Reading through the opinions of fellow Evertonians these last few days has made interesting reading, quite a range of feeling from the apathetic 'leave it, nothing will come out of it' corner, via the 'makes us look small time' brigade to the 'sue the ass off him' tribe.

The best read though, was this fruity invective from Morky:

"There is nothing worse as an Evertonian than people like Alex Ferguson and Jose Mourinho coming out and saying nice things about us. I used to cringe when Walter was here and after United's reserves would beat us in 2nd gear, Ferguson would speak warmly of us as if we were a handicapped nephew of his or something. I don't like them and I don't want them to like us. I don't want condescending bastards like Mourinho handing us false compliments, because that means we are shit.

I want them to punch the air when they score against us and I want them to talk shit about us, and I want Moyes to stand there, toe to toe with the c#nts and fight our corner.

F#ck them. We need to start getting in their faces.

You know what I hated about Sunday's game? Johnson running after their players like a little f#cking dog, explaining that he didn't dive and trying to reason with them.

Do you think Duncan would have done that. Or Sharpie? Would Bill Deane have cared what they thought?

I want our players to score at Anfield and bow three times to the Kop, or twat a free kick in the top corner and run past giving them the fingers, or even smash one in at Leicester and then go and offer their bench out.

F#ck being nice. Nice is for the weak."

Tags: everton | chelsea | mourinho

Mourinho is a scheming hypocrit.

2006-12-18T20:16:00.000Z

Neil Warnock, Arsene Wenger, Chris Coleman and now Jose Mourinho. What have they all got in common? They've deliberately accused Andy Johnson of being a diver, be it before or after meeting Everton. You can't watch an Everton match these days without hearing about Johnson's 'reputation' a reputation earned not through being a diver but by being labelled one by opposition manager's looking to influence referees and belittle a player's confidence.

We have now not been awarded blatant penalties at least thee times since the reputation media mind games started. This latest outburst from Mourinho was the most aggressive, he claimed that Johnson was not trustworthy and that the striker was so embarrassed by his diving he stopped doing it after the incident. Or maybe Jose, you twat, he just wasn't shoved over in the box again. The galling thing is that the referees clearly HAVE been influenced by the media talk and understandably Johnson's game has suffered for it, his goal drought now in to double figures of games.

Of course, the complete and utter hypocrisy from Mourinho in calling Johnson a diver is his own team's record of simulation and deviousness, was he not the manager of Porto when they cynically cheated their way to beat Celtic in the 2005 UEFA Cup Final? What about the much lauded theatrics between Drogba and Lehman just last weekend - what was that if not play acting? Wenger is hardly one to talk after Robert Pires perfected the art of the dive at Highbury for seasons on end.

Anyway, here is evidence if it were even necessary that cretin Mourinho and his team of mercenaries are about as white than white as our dear Prime Minister:

While I'm loathed to suggest that legal proceedings are brought about and believe me, many are all for it - you could certainly make a convincing case for defamation of character, that really shouldn't have a place in football. I just hope this total hypocrisy from Mourinho is so laughably narrow-minded and baseless that this cloud above Johnson lifts, I'm not banking on it though.

I'm not even going to raise the point about Johnson being careful to straddle the keeper rather than land on his head in the manner that, understandably infuriated Mourinho when both Cech and Cudicini were injured against Reading earlier in the season. Or the reluctance of the Chelsea manager to look at a replay on the monitor as Moyes gesticulated. I hope Mourinho realises what an absolute tit he's made of himself this weekend and that he is plain wrong about the incident, he just can't see it through his bulletproof, blue tinted glasses.

Idiot.

Tags: chelsea | mourinho | everton | andy johnson

It's happened again

2006-12-17T16:34:00.000Z

As with last weekend, Everton have been beaten by a fantastic goal, entirely unstoppable.

It all started so well, with Arteta, Osman and Neville all back in the side, we looked a much improved side to the one that capitulated so at Fratton Park last Saturday. Victor Anichebe made his first Premiership start at the expense of lacklustre Beattie who was substituted at half time last weekend. This surely signals the end of Beattie's Everton career now, if we can get four or five million pounds for him in January, we should sell. We wouldn't be short of numbers with Johnson, Anichebe, McFadden and Vaughan all waiting in the wings. Back to the match, it was Anichebe who seemed to be causing problems early on, with Chelsea missingthe injured Terry, a makeshift back line of Hilario, Bouhlarouz and Carvalho looked shaky.

Johnson was unlucky not be awarded a penalty after being shoved over by Bouhlarouz, the referee in an awful position could not give it. Only 10 minutes later, Everton did get their penalty as Bouhlarouz again was at fault, this time holding back the lively Anichebe with both arms. Arteta stepped up and duly converted. One-nil to the Toffees and so the score remained at half time with Mourinho disappearing down the tunnel before the whistle had even been blown.

Sky pulled out a quite phenomenal quote in the interval, Everton haven't been beaten at home when leading at half time for seven and a half years.

I think they jinxed it, for in the second half, a much improved Chelsea looked rampant early on. They profited from a bit of luck as Ballack's (otherwise anonymous) free kick from a needless Carsley handball was pushed on to the post by Howard, only for it to come back off and go in off his back. Now in the ascendency, Chelsea continued to push on. A quick Everton break saw them win a corner, which led to another and then a third - the practice seemed to be good for Arteta who placed a wonderful ball on to the head of Yobo to make it 2-1. It felt too good to be true and with nine minutes to play, Frank Lampard obviously agreed as he scored a well struck goal from distance finding himself in acres of space. Hopes of another Everton goal proved too optimistic as the lack of fitness began to show in Arteta and Osman, the former having had a marvellous game and a man of the match performance in the eyes of many. A draw was on the cards with three minutes to go and it would have been a just result for both teams, however Drogba chested down a flick-on, turned on a sixpence and volleyed home a stunning long-range effort to snatch the three points for Chelsea.

Beaten again by a goal of the season candidate, Everton were mightily unlucky. Especially considering the perfectly valid penalty shout early on.

Positives to take from the match:

Performance of Anichebe, did more than Beattie has managed since March. Already showing signs of a partnership with Johnson.
Lescott's performance, once again he looked top class.
Arteta's return to fitness, the Spaniard makes us tick and we've missed him these last few games.

On a final note, I understand that Van Der Meyde didn't make the squad as his house has been burgled. Again.

Tags: everton | chelsea | drogba

Checkout Monkey Moyes

2006-12-12T21:53:00.000Z

The Spine have their say on the possible new Everton stadium deal with Tesco. With predictably hilarious consequences:

I really ought to post on the subject properly before too long.

Tags: everton | the spine

Typical, typical Everton

2006-12-10T13:38:00.000Z

Well, if you're going to get beaten, it's better for it to be by the goal of the season (especially if it means that Xabi Alonso doesn't win it!)

Tags: everton | portsmouth | matthew taylor

Every dog has his day

2006-12-04T17:46:00.000Z

Just a quick post to say how impressed I was with a certain enigmatic Dutchman on Sunday:

After countless injuries, rumours, unfavourable headlines and utterly absurd events, we finally got to see a glimpse of the Van Der Meyde who used to do this sort of thing week in week out for Ajax (I know he's playing for Inter in the link!).

A ridiculously depleted Everton squad (we ended the match with 5 central defenders and four strikers on the pitch!) saw a rare start for VDM and after taking 10 or so minutes to settle, he began to take hold of the match and whipped in cross after cross. Making Konchesky look a complete mug on more than one occasion, Beattie was so shocked by this uncharacteristic quality of delivery from an Everton wide man that he completely forgot what to do with them. It was great to see Van Der Meyde shining and he looked to be enjoying himself. Impressive though his crossing undoubtedly was, what really caught my eye was a moment where he tracked back and launched an inch perfect cruncher of a tackle to win back the ball and initiate another attack! Wonderful to see James Vaughan score as well, especially considering his 14 months out of the game with a serious knee injury.

Well in the Blues.

Something else I spotted - looking at the Premiership table, Arsenal in 3rd are closer to Sheffield United in 16th than they are Chelsea in 2nd... That can't be good for the competitiveness of the league. Or can it? I suppose in effect it means that barring the top two and the slowly drifting bottom two, there is very little between the sides.

Tags: premiership | everton | arsenal | andy van der meyde

Theatre of Nightmares?

2006-11-29T20:00:00.000Z

Some words that I will surely regret in about two hours:

It's more possible than I at first thought: Giggs and Vidic not in the squad, Scholes (who has been key this season) on the bench along with Saha who makes their formation work. If we can stifle Carrick - ought to be able to manage that with both Neville and Carsley in the middle, channel Ronaldo - up to you Nuno and tame Rooney - step forward Lescott. Then we can do these.

COYB!!

I'm already starting to lose my optimism, Wright is in between the sticks at a ground where we have a truly atrocious record...

We'll see.

Update: ARGGHHHHHHH!

Tags: premiership | everton | manchester united

End of the week

2006-11-18T13:48:00.000Z

Apologies for the lack of posts recently, and for those awful team of the week ones that you did get! Seriously, does anyone want that to continue? If so then say so now because I'll gladly stop otherwise!

This time though, I would like to think that I have a legitimate reason for the inactivity on my blog, that being - I've just started a new job. As of last Monday, I became a civil servant working specifically in performance and planning.

I had been at my previous place of work for over two years but despite (mostly) getting on with everyone, working close to home and an in idyllic office, the industry itself wasn't for me. A construction company is an excellent choice of employer - if you understand and find interesting the fine points of construction. I didn't and the inability therefore to progress to anything other than the role I was already employed in became reason enough to seek alternative work and what I hope will become a career rather than merely a job.

Anyway, my first week has been and gone with alarming rapidity. Dissimilar then from the journey to and from work which makes for a frustrating hour of clutch juggling and futile grousing.

Tags: employment | new job

Now in blog button size

2006-11-09T20:57:00.000Z

Show your blog is in support of the Kick Poll Out Of Football campaign by displaying with pride the following blog button:

Tags: graham poll | football | blog button

Poll-axed? I wish

2006-11-09T20:27:00.000Z

For reasons which should be clear, I'm currently operating at a high level of fury over the performance last night, of that utterly inept referee Graham Poll.

I'm not the only one...

...all feel the same, and that was just what a quick Technorati search threw up.

I therefore propose that we adopt a strategy to rid the beautiful game of this most ugly of men, ladies and gentlemen, I give you:

Tags: graham poll | refereeing | football

Pink sky and a silhouette of the landscape

2006-11-06T19:27:00.000Z

I took this photo last night as the sun was going down, such a strange pink colour to the sky. Using no flash really brought out the colours.

Tags: photography | sunset

Latest team of the week

2006-11-06T18:29:00.000Z

Mr Crooks and his team of the week selection, followed by by own:

Garth Crooks' Team | Prolix's Team

Carson was the obvious choice in goal, he was the only reason Charlton got any points from their match with City, let alone all three!

I wasn't overly impressed with any performances from wingbacks or fullbacks this weekend (barring that of Micah Richards, but he wasn't an option...) so it was a flat back 3 for me - King, Dawson and Vidic all having good games. Garth agreed and selected two of those three, he accompanied them with the fairly average Chimbonda and Rosenoir.

Our midfields have a similar look about them which shows how it would have been unfair to leave out Scholes, Ronaldo or Lennon. I partnered those former two - in a four man midfield - with the once again dominant Barry and the tricky Etherington (whose work ethic against Arsenal was nothing short of outstanding). Garth performed his usual trick of picking someone (in this case Jensen) purely for scoring a goal, for me, Jensen offered precious little else in the match.

Up front, Kuyt's brace saw that neither me or the Crooks could justify leaving him out. Garth opted to pair the Dutchman with Louis Saha whilst I went with a front trio which also comprised of Spurs' Keane and Lennon, both of whom put in an admirable peformance against the champions and along with the sturdy centreback partnership, assured Tottenham their victory.

Tags: football | premiership | garth crooks

Blogger Beta

2006-10-30T16:19:00.000Z

I've got the day off work today and have been getting things done at home, this includes finally moving to the the beta version of Blogger. This is the first post that I've made using the new system. Appearance wise it is very similar with a few button alterations, there are some interesting new features - labels, greater access control, more feed options etc... The main change is a switch to dynamic serving, meaning that posts are no longer stored as static html files which don't alter until the next update and are instead created dynamically via a database. This has really sped up the process of creating new and editing existing posts, in fact, it now takes less than a second!

I have a decision to make as to whether I stick with my current method of using a del.icio.us account to tag posts in a crude attempt at categorising them or whether I jump in and start to use the new labelling feature. I don't much like the idea of going through all my existing posts and adding labels so any advice is gratefully received!

UPDATE: I fancied a play so I'm labelling this post.

Tags: blogger | blogger beta

Team of the Week

2006-10-30T15:41:00.000Z

Garth Crooks has made his team of the week selection:

Garth Crooks' Team | Prolix's Team

I chose a 4-4-2 formation ahead of Garth's 4-3-3. We both opted for the impressive Ben Foster in goal, his three saves from the persevering Lennon were particularly good, it was a tough choice for me to select him ahead of Tim Howard who put in a remarkable performance at the Emirates stadium.

With one notable exception (Sol Campbell, yet again!), we had very differing opinions when it came to our defences. Partnering Campbell, I went with Yobo who did everything right against Arsenal and had Henry in his pocket, Garth went with the Hornets' Shittu - who for me, didn't have much to do apart from offer an acrobatic method of keeping the ball in play, only for Tommy Smith to spurn the glorious chance. I went with the chuckle brothers at fullback, Gary for his part in the demolition of Bolton and Phil for his sheer stamina, determination and general solidness against Arsenal. Crook's went for Bridge and Johnson, I'm not entirely sure why, neither were exceptional as far as I saw.

In midfield, Garth has done his usual trick of including someone purely for scoring a goal, Cahill was good against Arsenal, sure, and he scored the crucial goal but for me there were more rounded performances - Alonso for one. Liverpool's Xabi was excellent and pulled all the strings in their return to form beating the previously undefeated Aston Villa. I felt Giggs was again at his best in the win over Bolton and offered me the width my 4-4-2 formation required. Ballack and Mendes both had very good games and fully deserve their places in both Garth's and my own team.

Upfront it was obviously not an option to leave out Rooney after his hatrick, it was merely a question of who had done enough to earn a place alongside him. Garth went with Kuyt and Persie, both of whom I omitted for not being clinical enough, they wasted a hat full of chances between them despite both scoring decent goals. Kanu for me did more to warrant a place, he ran the show against Reading and his somewhat overlooked aerial ability once again saw Pompey on top of things, the Nigerian is now atop of the top scorers chart.

Tags: football | premiership | garth crooks

Why am I still doing this?

2006-10-23T12:06:00.000+01:00

The latest offerings from myself and Crooks:

Garth Crooks' Team | Prolix's Team

We've both opted for a 4-3-3 which probably highlights the lack of strong showings by wingers this weekend. The differing selections are Neville over Garth's Volz, Campo in a holding role for Van Persie and Rosicky up top ahead of Drogba. Clearly this was a weekend when the team pretty much picks itself.

Tags: football | premiership | garth crooks

White and Nerdy

2006-10-22T12:13:00.000+01:00

Tags: nerdy | quiz

(Another) Records Fair, Brighton

2006-10-09T16:56:00.000+01:00

Another Sunday, another record fair. Total expenditure was no more than 40 pounds; I think I did remarkably well:

I discovered on first listen yesterday that the Tom Waits compilation contains his 'Way Down In The Hole' which is the theme music for HBO's The Wire - something I intend to blog about in the future.

Tags: record fair | brighton

Crooked Dealings

2006-09-28T17:21:00.000+01:00

Well, there was the one post in between. Straight to it then, here are the teams:

Garth Crooks' Team | Prolix's Team

A decent enough team this week from Garth Crooks.

Let's start at the back; it's a good place to start. I selected Kirkland ahead of Cech in goal. The Chelsea keeper wasn't exactly overworked, though he certainly did all that was asked of him, Kirkland on the other hand was kept fairly busy by an unfortunate Watford (the same as every game, poor Hornets) and impressed once again.

Formation wise - Crooks has opted for two banks of four and two up top, I've mixed things up and gone with an extremely attacking 3-4-3 formation. We both selected Micah Richards and William Gallas at the back, which is testament to the quality of their weekend performances. Garth also chose Djourou and Ferreira in his defence where as I plumped for Reading's Ingimarsson. As with Cech in goal, I felt that Fulham and Sheffield United didn't provide much of a challenge for the duo who despite playing perfectly well, weren't ever really tested - hence the selection of Ingimarsson, who certainly was tested! The Reading man was a rock as United piled on the pressure in Saturday's game.

With the exception of Reading's Korean winger - Ki-Hyeon, Garth and my midfields are completely different. Whilst he chose Alonso and Makele in the middle of the park, I opted for Lampard and Parker. All four of these players had good weekends and frankly, there isn't much between them. Parker ran the show for Newcastle against Everton (though I think Garth's team only selects from the Saturday games) and Lampard's two goals again showed his uncanny ability to find the net. Out wide, I was fed up with choosing Ronaldo every week so opted for the fleet footed Gabriel Agbonlahor who has been a revelation for Martin O'Neil.

We both chose Kuyt and Samaras in our front lines but I also included the mercurial Henry who finally seems to be coming in to the form we all expect of him.

My formation admittedly looks distinctly unbalanced, the reasoning behind it being I couldn't decide between the three strikers and was struggling for four outstanding defensive performances. I think Agbonlahor has shown enough to be considered a winger of note rather than merely a quick striker whilst Parker and Lampard should be more than capable of running midfield together - though haven't we said that about Lampard and Gerrard?

Tags: football | premiership | garth crooks

Express delivery #0348

2006-09-27T09:13:00.000+01:00

Quite rightly, the frontpages this morning are all covering the major story of Blair's dazzling final Labour Conference speech as leader:

All apart from one that is:

Wot, no Diana news?

Credit to SkyNews for the images.

Tags: frontpages newspapers daily express

Michael 'Thumbs' Brown

2006-09-25T23:58:00.000+01:00

I know it's usually 'fingers'...

Michael Brown was sent to jail for two years today. The Liberal Democrat donor (to the tune of 2.4 million pounds) was found guilty of "very deliberate and pointed" dishonesty.

All I can think of though, when I see this picture:

Is how much his head looks like assorted facial features stuck on a big pink thumb - in case you don't believe me, I've made a mock up below:

Now. Tell me I'm wrong...

Tags: michael brown | thumbs | lib dems

Team of the week

2006-09-19T16:54:00.000+01:00

It would be a good idea if I blogged about non-football related topics between these Garth Crooks posts. I should probably think about that. In the meantime, here is the latest offering:

Garth Crooks' Team | Prolix's Team

Mr Crooks' team this week is (like last week) a fairly solid selection, I have a few differences of opinion though, as you can see. We both selected the crazy German in goal, his stunning reflex save from Solksjaer and less aesthetically stunning but exceptionally bold, full-facial (that should bring my hits via google searches up) save clearly won us both over.

As is fast becoming the standard, both Campbell (another Pompey cleansheet) and Woodgate get the nod in defence along with determined new boy, Gallas. This is where the first difference comes in; Crooks' opted for a rigid 4-4-2 formation whilst I chose a 3-5-2, this enabled me to include an extra midfielder - the area I considered to contain the best performers of the weekend. My extra man was Joey Barton in a holding role, ahead of Crooks' choice of Pascal Chimbonda at fullback. From what I saw of Spurs, Chimbonda didn't have a particularly outstanding game, Barton on the other hand was at his dynamic best and could have had a hatrick.

Fabregas and Scharner were impossible to leave out based on their weekend showings and as such both Garth and myself included them in central roles. While we both also selected the ex-Wolves man Ki-Hyeon, we had dissimilar taste when it came to the left wing - I went for the exciting Pedersen (another cracking goal, ran City ragged) whereas Garth opted for the admittedly not unimpressive Duff.

As with the midfield, Drogba was essential after a brilliant goal and all-round performance, I felt that the rapid Martins (100m in under 11 seconds apparently) did more to impress than the equally pacy Johnson however. Whilst Johnson was lively and hardworking, he should have perhaps scored more than his one goal (which itself was a rebound). Martins put on a great display, took his goal well and proved the doubters wrong. Besides, Johnson was in last week's team and I don't want to jinx him.

Tags: football | premiership | garth crooks

Too many Crooks

2006-09-14T17:22:00.000+01:00

As threatened - "I might make this a regular feature" - I've once again felt compelled to highlight the inadequacies of Garth Crooks' Team of the Week. Team selections as below:

Garth Crooks' Team | Prolix's Team

So, Crooks' has gone with a 4-4-2 diamond formation where as I have opted for a 3-5-2. Tactically, Garth has improved on his efforts from last week, although frankly, it would have been quite some feat to make a selection any worse. His use of Parker as a defensive midfielder is questionable, I see Parker as more of a box to box player than a Makelele type. Football commentators seem unaware that Tim Cahill is often very ineffective in a 4-4-2 - hence his flourishing in the 4-5-1 system playing behind Johnson recently. As for the playing the aging and inappropriately named Gary Speed on the flank, well...

On an individual basis, I can see why he went with the Middlesborough keeper in goal but for me, Friedel's two penalty saves (amongst others of course) were more notable than a decent performance from Schwarzer against lucklustre Arsenal. We both opted for the impressive Campbell and Woodgate at the back but I added Lescott who was imperious and committed against Liverpool in his first Merseyside derby. Garth chose both Arsenal wingbacks, I found this slightly strange considering the iffy performance that the team put in.

Whilst both Crooks' and myself selected Parker and Cahill in the middle of the park, we differed wildly with the remaining players. I chose the revitalized Giggs ahead of Ronaldo out wide, Giggs sidestepped the player of the month curse and had yet another inspired game, even chipping in with a crafty headed goal. I played Carsley as the defensive midfielder in my formation, Lee wasn't even an option in the team of the week selections (hence his starred shirt), I find this astonishing - he effectively marshalled Xabi Alonso out of the game and had a hand in all three Everton goals. Our last difference of opinion saw me opt for young Morrison ahead of old Speed, not quite sure what Speed offered apart from his 94th minute penalty - Bolton were dire and one point would have flattered them, let alone all three. Morrison, on the other hand looked lively against Arsenal and took his chance well. We both chose to play Johnson and McBride as our two strikers.

See you next week.

Tags: football | premiership | garth crooks

I'll keep this brief

2006-09-09T15:13:00.000+01:00

Tags: everton | liverpool

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus

2006-09-03T21:33:00.000+01:00

The Killers new album - Sam's Town, is set for release on the 3rd of October. I was quite a fan of their debut album, Hot Fuss (until it got played to death by just about everyone) and as such was already looking forward to the new material. That's before the rumours started breaking about the follow-up being a major change of style, then I was really looking forward to it.

Where as Hot Fuss was largely Vegas inspired, sleazy synth orientated, post-punk pop, the rumours suggest that Sam's Town was inspired by Springsteen and feature a more rags to riches narrative than err, just the riches. As a huge fan of the Boss, this caused me to feel both intruiged and apprehensive. The lead single will be When You Were Young (which you can download courtesy of Musikoon - here), straight away you can understand these Springsteen comparisons - particularly so Born to Run and the synthy Glory Days, Dancing in the Dark etc... The drums are classic pounding Springsteen and Flowers' lyrics have taken on a Boss like slant, especially so in the lines:

"We're burning down the highway skyline, on the back of a hurricane,
That started turning, when you were young"

There you have a speeding vehicle reference, "getting out of this city" escapism and a rose tinted vision of lost youth - all classic Springsteen and that's just one verse! Whether the rest of the album continues on a similar theme or not, we will have to wait and see.

I think When You Were Young is a great single and this despite not liking it straight away, it's really grown on me and continues to do so with every listen - though I appreciate this can't go on infinitely and I fully expect to have gone off it again once it recieves the obligatory media overkill.

Tags: the killers | bruce springsteen | when you were young

Facial recognition?

2006-09-01T19:08:00.000+01:00

Great. So now I look like Ulrika Jonsson. That's just marvellous.

By the way, does anyone have the faintest idea who everyone else is? I can only claim to know Owen Wilson, Selma Blair and the Jonsson.

Tags: facial recognition | my heritage

Magpies in injury shocker!

2006-08-27T16:54:00.000+01:00

Newcastle United's uncanny ability to sign a crock has seemingly continued as 10m pound signing, Obafemi Martins went off on a stretcher in the Magpies game against Aston Villa this afternoon. Rather unfortunately the Geordies had already used all three substitutes and were forced to play out the remainder of the game with just ten men.

We are as yet unaware of the situation with the injury but prolix suspects it could just be old age.

Tags: obafemi martins | newcastle

Magic Johnson and the broken hoodoo

2006-08-27T13:53:00.000+01:00

And so Everton traveled to White Hart Lane, a ground that we haven't won at in my lifetime - 21 long years. In fact, only two teams took 3 points from Spurs at the Lane last season, Manchester United and Chelsea. Everton fared particularly badly against Tottenham last year losing twice without scoring a single goal. The omens were bad and after 31 minutes they would get worse...

David Moyes changed the team around again and opted for a 4-5-1 formation that saw James Beattie relegated to the bench, Beats has been off the pace so far this season and with Johnson's prowess as a lone-striker it made sense. Not only this, our midfield thus far has proven rather lightweight and neither Carsley nor Cahill can cut it in a 4 man midfield, it also meant Arteta could come inside from the wing where his influence is diminished.

So, to the game, it started brightly with both teams enjoying equal possession and some fluid passing on display, Kilbane was booked to the amazement of just about everybody after a mere 15 minutes for a nothing challenge on Lee. It was inevitable then for Toffee fans when the same player would make a rash challenge on Lee (again!) after being done for pace - he was sent off in the 31st minute. The phrase 'uphill struggle' came immediately to mind, along with that one about creeks and paddles.

Spurs took the initiative and began to dominate the midfield whilst Davenport and Dawson ate up the long balls that the Everton defence persistently lofted towards the 5ft something Andy Johnson. A good corner from Spurs saw Gary Naysmith have to take evasive action - which for him meant smashing the ball against his own crossbar in a moment that would have rivalled Frank Sinclair in the classic own goal stakes. Fortunately Howard, Neville, Yobo, Carsley and Lescott (in for Stubbs) were more able in their duties. Carsley in particular was outstanding, his closing down was excellent.

When the halftime whistle went, Evertonians were simply glad to still be on level terms. I wrote the following on the fansite Bluekipper:

First half ratings:

Howard - 7 (Been solid, good positioning)
Naysmith - 4 (Woeful, letting the side down)
Lescott - 6 (Sturdy, made some key interventions)
Yobo - 6 (Went close with that header and made an immense bicycle kick clearance under pressure!)
Neville - 7 (Looking good, getting forward and solid in the tackle)
Kilbane - 5 (1st yellow was ridiculous, he was playing well but that 2nd booking was foolish)
Carsley - 8 (Man of the half, he's been clearing up like a white Makelele, distribution has been alright as well)
Cahill - 6 (Some good touches but needs to impose more)
Arteta - 6 (See above)
Osman - 6.5 (Playing well but being muscled out, played a nice passing move with AJ)
Johnson - 6.5 (Working the channels well but struggling a little on his own against the powerful Dawson and Davenport)

Overall we are playing well and passing the ball along the ground for once, we've been grossly unlucky with that red card but got off lightly when Naysmith nearly scored an outrageous own goal). More of the same would be good but I fear we will concede at some point and I can't see how we'd get back in to it. If we can nick a goal and ride our luck some more...who knows! 21 years of hurt...

The teams came out for the second half and within minutes Keane and Berbatov had combined to release Lennon but his shot was charged down by Naysmith. Everton then earned a freekick but Arteta could show none of his preseason form and blasted it over the bar to the sound of Spurs fan's jeers. The Spaniard got a chanced to redeem himself in the 55th minute after Johnson was brought down by Ekotto, a much better delivery was met by a towering Lescott, who headed the ball down on to Davenport's foot and the ball trickled in to put Everton ahead! GET IN!

The goal seemed to inspire us and we became far more confident in possession. Spurs tried to counter this by taking off the ineffective Lee for Jermaine Defoe but the substitution only served to confuse the players as to what formation they were supposed to playing! Ekotto switched sides (to the left, not to Everton) and Jenas dropped back to rightback. Spurs persevered in having Keane take all the freekicks and corners, this seemed mightily strange as his presence in the goal area would surely have been of greater value - especially when you have the likes of Jenas and Davids who are good from dead-ball situations.

A chance for Spurs faded away as Osman steamed out of the area in possession, he was met on the centre circle by Edgar Davids but fended him off superbly and played a delightful ball to Neville on the right flank, Neville put in a perfect low cross and the lively Johnson forced his way between Dawson and Davenport to fire it home - the 99th goal of his career! 2-0 to Everton, this wasn't supposed to happen!

As the half continued, the Tottenham attack just never seemed to get going, in fact, when Everton were in possession Spurs defended incredibly deeply - seemingly unnerved by the lightning pace of Johnson. Everton had a few corners and Spurs had everyone bar Lennon back defending, when you're 2-0 down, at home and against 10 men, why would you do this?! I wasn't complaining at the time...

As if to emphasise his commitment to the cause, Lescott won a header against Davenport but in the process cut his head open, the wound was so deep he was forced off and replaced by the sprightly (ahem) Davey Weir. Carsley continued to mop things up impressively and Osman was having a blinder, at one point he ran back 60 yards to help out in defence, immediately stole the ball from a bemused Jenas and sprayed a magnificent 50 yard pass to Johnson to start another Everton attack. If Carsley was Makelele then Osman is surely our Deco.

David Moyes, whose tactics had been spot-on for the entire match went more positive and moved Cahill up in to a two pronged attack with AJ. Spurs brought on Zokora but despite some good touches he couldn't make anything happen. Tim Howard was forced into his first save - in the 91st minute, which said it all. The whistle went, the hoodoo was broken and Everton celebrated their finest performance for a long, long time.

Tags: everton spurs premiership

Wednesday night football review

2006-08-24T13:44:00.000+01:00

Would you believe it? Chelsea have a bogey team!

Middlesborough won this fixture 3-0 last season and they pulled off a remarkable result last night to claim another 3 points from the champions. After throwing away a two goal lead against Reading in the opening fixture, Gareth Southgate changed his team around and packed out the midfield leaving just Yakubu up front. It seemed to work, right from the kick off Boro were threatening, Boateng and Rochemback providing the steel in the centre to compliment the artistry of Mendieta and Downing out wide. Yakubu though, appeared to be having one of his off days and went on to spurn two glorious chances, both of which saw him in acres of space - Chelsea looked distinctly unorganised at the back, certainly much more vulnerable without Cech and Gallas. It was somewhat against the run of play therefore when Chelsea scored the opening goal, Shevchenko grabbing what will surely be the first of many in the Premiership - this was despite being played in the unfamiliar 'Robben role' (the flying Dutchman was injured in training). Shevchenko was by far Chelsea's best player on the night and looked a real class act. Man of the match though, was surely Downing, his deliveries caused Chelsea no end of problems all night and turned out to be their undoing in the end - both the Boro goals coming from devilish Downing deliveries, firstly a bullet header from the unmarked Pogatetz and the winner, a strike from the substitute Viduka. Chelsea didn't lose a match until November last season, maybe the title race isn't quite so clear-cut...

Title contenders Manchester United put in a more impressive performance against Dowie's beleaguered Charlton, with Scholes and Rooney beginning their suspensions - Ferguson moved Giggs in to a more forward role, playing just off Saha. Charlton started purposefully but a mistake by the decidedly unfortunate Jonathan Fortune allowed Fletcher to score. The goal seemed to open the floodgates and an explosive Manchester United took full advantage, Ronaldo hit the cross bar and Giggs had two good efforts saved. The way they were playing, the second goal was inevitable and eventually came via Louis Saha, you could have driven a bus through the Charlton defence at that moment, the marking was non-existent. The late arrival of Solsksjaer was greeted with rapturous applause from the fans and when he calmly slotted away his first goal in 3 years of injury ravaged hell they were ecstatic. Two wins out of two for United, 8 goals scored, and only 1 conceded, this looks ominous.

Martin O'Neil's inspiration of the formerly lacklustre Villa continued as they beat Reading 2-1 at Villa Park. Reading took the lead through a Kevin Doyle header but the game changed irretrievably when Sonko was very harshly sent off for a foul on Luke Moore, Angel converted the resulting penalty. 10 man Reading put up a brave fight but a header from newly appointed captain Gareth Barry gave Villa the 3 points.

Sam Allardyce was none to pleased with Abdoulaye Faye after his side's drab 1-1 draw with Fulham. Bolton had taken the lead through a Diouff penalty but Faye handballed in the box late on and Jimmy Bullard put away the spot-kick on his home debut. Big Sam said of Faye's intervention - "It was very unprofessional, very childish. There was no need to do what he did". I think we can be pretty certain that that wasn't the same version given to Faye himself!

David James' return to the City Ground ended 0-0. An even game saw Joey Barton impress and Pompey be denied a clear penalty after a blatant handball from Micah Richards. The match was overshadowed though by a truly horrific 'tackle' on Pedro Mendes from ex-Millwall thuggish leftback - Ben Thatcher. Thatcher ran at Mendes from some distance and slammed in to the Pompey midfielder, leading with his elbow. The challenge saw Mendes suffer a seizure on the pitch and require oxygen, he remained unconscious until he arrived at hospital and is said to be suffering from a fractured eyesocket, head swelling and concussion, he was kept in overnight. The referee who can't possibly have seen the incident (unless he considers a flying elbow only worthy of a booking), gave Thatcher a yellow card and as we've seen in past cases - because it was the refs decision that the tackle warranted only a booking, the decision cannot be changed later. Hopefully the FA will see sense on this one and take the necessary action, Thatcher should be fined substantially and banned for an absolute minimum of 20 matches, David Prutton the season before last, got a 10 match ban for pushing the referee.

More shockingly, it's not like Thatcher doesn't have form of this sort of behaviour, only a month ago during City's pre-season tour of China, he was sent off against Shanghai for two bookable offences, one of which put an opponent in hospital with a punctured lung. This also went unseen by the referee.

So as with the weekend matches, we saw some diabolical decisions from the referees and a clutch of penalties. The defeat of Chelsea has given hope to the other 19 Premiership teams that they can be beaten and a resurgent Manchester United once again emphasised that they are written off at your peril.

I'll review the Everton match individually, later today and then I need to check what Garth Crooks has been up to, no doubt he's busy slotting Ben Thatcher in to his Team of the Week.

Update: re:Ben Thatcher. Greater Manchester Police have now confirmed they received complaints and are looking in to the incident. Let's hope they sentence him to a 5 year stretch for ABH.

Tags: premiership | football | ben thatcher

Daft Garth and the alternative weekly XI

2006-08-21T14:55:00.000+01:00

I'm taking issue with the much maligned Garth Crooks' team of the week and as it is only fair, I've produced my own team of the week as a comparison. See below:

Garth Crooks' Team | Prolix's Team

Firstly, why is Garth playing the infamous 4-5-1 / 4-3-3 formation with Rooney in a central midfield role and Andy Johnson on the wing (Sven was roundly criticised for doing the same thing in a friendly)? Our other differing selections see me opting for Sheffield United's Paddy Kenny over Everton new boy Tim Howard (I felt Kenny had an impressive debut in the Premiership and made some great saves - especially so the free kick from Aurelio). Campbell ahead of John Terry, which is a negligible choice anyway and Eboue over Evra (I felt Eboue was Arsenal's stand out player against a resolute Aston Villa, he was fantastic going forward and covered a ridiculous amount of ground).

Up front I went with Bobby Zamora who scored a brace, ahead of Crook's bizarre selection of Dave Kitson who scored a scrappy goal and went off injured at half time! My final contrasting option was Lee Bowyer ahead of Andy Johnson, me being an Everton fan you might expect that decision to go the other way but I simply felt that Bowyer was outstanding for the Hammers, he assisted all three goals and hit the woodwork himself. Andy Johnson had a solid debut but his goal involved a deflection, besides, I couldn't fit him in to my 4-4-2!

I might make this a regular feature.

UPDATE: Amazingly, I am the first person to tag a post with 'garth crooks'. Astonishing!

Tags: football | premiership | garth crooks

So he opens the closet

2006-08-20T21:51:00.000+01:00

Further to my recent post about the scheduling of Time Trumpet and Charlie Brooker's Screen Wipe, I can report that my video recording of Time Trumpet is unwatcheable. Excellent. On a more positive note, Screen Wipe was fantastic and proved both humourous and informative, the highlight (though I'd seen it before) was the extract from R.Kelly's HipHopera - viewable here. You really couldn't make it up.

So, if anyone knows of a repeated showing of Time Trumpet or can provide a link to a torrent, I'd be mightily grateful - leave any pointers in the comments.

Apologies if you've already seen this

2006-08-15T13:54:00.000+01:00

(Click for bigger)

Just had it emailed to me, better late than never I suppose. Credit obviously goes to the creator - whoever they may be.

Ok, a quick question for you...

2006-08-14T21:54:00.000+01:00

The Man Whose Arms Exploded.
The Girl With The Voice of Boris Johnson.
The Man Who Was Just a Foot.

One of those, is a real television documentary which screened tonight on Channel5. The other two are satirical documentaries devised by Armando Iannucci for his new comedy - Time Trumpet.

Not easy is it? Answer here.

On a related note, Doctorvee and Will Howells have alerted fans of Time Trumpet to a scheduling blunder that sees it clash with the equally excellent Charlie Brooker's Screen Wipe at 10pm on Thursday. The BBC scheduling department (if such a thing exists) have made an error here as it appears that fans of one show are highly likely to be fans of the other, way to shoot yourselves in the foot guys... Although, coming from the people who scheduled Messiah - where a serial killer was brutally murdering people with the same forename as the 12 disciples (in ever more gruesome ways) - on EASTER SUNDAY, it's hardly surprising.

Tags: television | time trumpet | armando iannucci | channel5 | charlie brooker | messiah

In case you were wondering...

2006-08-11T14:59:00.000+01:00

I am still alive. Apologies for the lack of blogging of late. I've been suprisingly busy with a number of things - more on those at a later date.

I've had far too many late nights this week and it's all I can do to keep my eyes open this afternoon, Guinness for lunch was probably a mistake. It was free though, so what could I say? The reason for this - and this is 100% of truth - is that we were forced to change pubs last week after a German motorcycling convention selected it as their lunchtime destination.

The hot indie-girl barmaid served us and made everything seem well with the world. And with that comment this blog instantly reverts back to those heady days when I wrote an online diary at college.

Things will improve, I assure you.

Remember the name

2006-07-26T11:32:00.000+01:00

Not deterred by his young age, brand Rooney have decided that Wayne's multitude of experiences require publication in the form of an autobiography. Perhaps they will bring one out after every four seasons; we could therefore expect a minimum of three more volumes. Anyway, this is not the point, we knew about the book deal ages ago. No, the current story is the book's serialisation in the Daily Mail (bile filled, obnoxious and intolerant - a match made in heaven!), yesterday saw the following comments from Rooney or rather by Hunter Davies his ghost writer and my reaction to them:

"I would have gone almost anywhere to get away from Moyes and considered a move to Newcastle".

You would have had about as much success if you had Wayne and if you thought Moyes was a disciplinarian, wait until you'd played under Souness!.

On Moyes - "To me he appeared overbearing, just wanting to control people."

Is that not what a manager is supposed to do?

According to the United striker, Moyes also criticised him for "taking the captain's armband and putting it on after Duncan Ferguson had been sent off."

Again, what's the problem there? Why would the then 17 year old Rooney believe that he was to assume the captaincy and that doing so would result in no criticism whether he was supposed to or not?

The major bone of contention for Rooney seems to be the issue of the newspaper stories regarding his visits to prostitutes, he claims to have first confided in Moyes about the visits and the next day finding the story all over the Liverpool ECHO. He goes on to tell how:

"I was absolutely furious as I'd been talking to Moyes in private. In front of all the players I had a real go at him. How did that story get out, except from you?" I raged.

"You're a f****ing joke. I don't want to play for you ever again."

Notice how he purposefully mentions that he did this "in front of all the players", why is that important, because he thinks it makes him look like a hardman, that's why. The truth of course, is that in fact, the revelations about Rooney's visits to sex parlours had first appeared in national newspapers.

Enough of the quotations. Rooney is a complete and utter idiot who believes his own hype. The facts are that he hasn't scored competitively for England since he was at Everton and he hasn't scored in the Champions League since his debut years ago - against a dreadful Fenerbache side. Everton finished 17th with him and 4th without him.

Something else that really annoys me though, is how upon the transfer, the media fawned over Alex Ferguson with empty platitudes of how "Alex will calm him down, he's so good at all this managing of players business and instilling calmness and respect."

Oh is that right? Is the same Ferguson who has had players playing for him who have: launched flying kung-fu kicks at people in the crowd, gotten off rape charges, missed random drug tests, spat at fans... and that's without even mentioning Roy Keane!

This post has very little in the way of structure, apologies for that - I got caught up in my own quiet rage.

Tags: football | wayne rooney | david moyes | everton | manchester united

That social media meme

2006-07-25T15:31:00.000+01:00

I've been tagged by Jawbox for the 'social media meme', I have to name my favourite five social networking web services and a reason why I like them. Doctorvee has also been on the case. Here we go then, in alphabetical order only:

1. Bloglines
- I'm relatively new to Bloglines, having previously used only Feedreader (a desktop RSS reader) for my subscriptions. The problem with that though, was that my feeds were confined to the one computer, Bloglines solves this - being a web based reader. A bookmark toolbar button makes subscribing to new feeds or 'subbing' extremely quick and easy. As the name suggests, it's great at tracking your blogs, I'd previously only used RSS feeds for online newspapers (Guardian, Times, BBC) and the like. I'm yet to really delve in to the sharing and searching aspects but it seems there are a lot of options available there which can only add to functionality. The one issue I do have with Bloglines is that it is often slow to update and as such I find myself checking my blogs manually.

2. Del.icio.us

- My linklog, blogroll and category system (for what it's worth) are all powered by Del.icio.us which would imply that I'm a fan. Rightly so. You can use the features of Del.icio.us for all sorts of things and there are countless tools and add-ons you can combine it with. The fact that almost every linklog you'll come across is powered by it should tell you just how efficient an application it is.

3. Flickr
- Once again, I'm quite new to Flickr having signed up only recently. I don't take many photos and as such don't get as much out of Flickr as some but I can see the many benefits clearly.

4. Last.FM

- Like DoctorVee, this is the big one for me. It was always going to be a match made in heaven - I love music, I love statistics and I love to keep tabs on my changing tastes and fads. Plainly, Last.FM and I were meant to be together, merrily holding hands and skipping gaily through fields only stopping to admire newborn lambs. Or something. I just love it. The recent alterations have made things even better and I can now see how my listening trends have altered by year, month, week or almost any combination of variables I can concoct. The radio feature is perfect for the office (although co-workers subjected to endless shoegaze may perhaps feel inclined to disagree) and the recommendation system has led to me to numerous discoveries. I've been introduced to the joys of M83, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers and Creedence Clearwater Revival all through Last.FM and my CD collection is far the better for that.
Note: I had heard of the latter two before, I'd just never really listened to their material. So yes. Last.FM is utterly brilliant.

5. YouTube
- I don't submit videos to YouTube or comment on them, I use it purely in an observational way. If I've missed something on television, give it a day or so and there's a chance it might appear, it's also wonderful for finding music videos of bands you might not otherwise see. I tracked down some superb solo acoustic performances of old Ride songs by Mark Gardener - where else could I have found those? Answer - nowhere (no pun intended). I do wonder about the sites long-term future though, the bandwidth requirement must be truly astonishing and the whole venture is a copyright minefield. Still, best to make the most of it while it's still around.

I'm not going to tag anyone for this meme (it's hard finding bloggers yet to have done it already) but if you want to have a go then you have my backing.

When domain names go bad

2006-07-16T15:31:00.000+01:00

Apologies if you've already seen this but I came across it earlier and couldn't believe my eyes.

Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today's world, you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as others will see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn't give their domain names enough consideration:

1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name... wait for it... is:
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at:
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at:
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at:
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company:
www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always:
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is:
www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there are these art designers, and their website:
www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at:
www.gotahoe.com

Tags: funny | domain names

Comic justice for the smarmy salesman

2006-07-12T14:24:00.000+01:00

A rather hilarious moment at work has just seen the awfully smarmy photocopier salesman who spent most of the morning leching over our 17 year old admin girl and trying to coerce her in to accompanying him to the pub, have to awkwardly walk back in to the office and ask to use the phone because he's "shut his keys in the car a little bit". Hahah. There is a God and he has a mean sense of humour.

It gets better! He's now gone to the pub (alone) and the AA guy is running out of options, perhaps I should tell him we have some bricks available...

Tags: comic justice

World Cup coverage covered

2006-07-10T19:03:00.000+01:00

After the World Cup must come the reviews of the coverage. ITV will surely be licking the wounds of their collective failure today, the ratings news being far from satisfying for them. The BBC report that during normal time, viewing figures for the match averaged 11.2 million on BBC1, contrasted with 2.4 million on ITV1. The penalty shoot-out saw the BBC's audience rise to a massive 17 million whilst only 3.5 million watched on ITV1. These figures show an 82% split in favour of the BBC during normal time, increasing to 83% during the shootout.

The surprising thing is that anyone should have chosen to watch ITV at all, with its adverts galore and truly awful punditry, not to mention the dreadful co-commentary from Gareth Southgate. This said, the BBC shouldn't feel too contented with the ratings which gloss over their own mediocre coverage. John Motson becomes more pointless with every game and the dry Lawrenson is no better with his often painfully unfunny quips. Notice how quickly Ian Wright disappeared once England had exited the competition, the former Arsenal man thought Saudi Arabia was in Africa and had a blatant inability to tell the difference between Roque Junior and Roque Santa Cruz despite them playing for completely different teams. The real star and saving grace was Leonardo, articulate, self-effacing and erudite, he was the perfect pundit and the BBC are quite right to try and sign him up for the fast approaching domestic season.

Tags: world cup | itv | bbc | television

World Cup final prediction

2006-07-09T18:42:00.000+01:00

Italy Vs France

Well, here we are, the World Cup will be over in three and a half hours at most. You'd have got fantastic odds (and some strange looks in the betting shop) if you had predicted this final. Yet everything seems to have fallen perfectly in to place, you have the Italians rocked by domestic scandal (as they were before in 1982 when they won the world cup) and sixteen of the twenty three strong squad are at clubs which face possible relegation after tomorrow's court trial ends. France were supposed to be too old, the coach was reviled by the nation and Zidane was a shadow of the man who won the cup for them back on home soil in 1998. These circumstances though have perhaps been the very things that drove both teams to Berlin tonight. Italy appear to have been galvanised by the troubles back home and the trial seems to have had the effect of uniting the players - of course, having a manager with a record as good as Lippi's doesn't hurt... France have been spurred on by the resurgent Zidane, wanting to sign out in style, the France captain retires from football after tonight's match.

Fortunately both teams are able to field the same teams that won the semi final match and no player misses out through suspension - quite remarkable considering the card happy refereeing of earlier games. Italy will rely on the dogged Gattuso to contain Zidane (not a big ask then!), whilst Viera and Makelele will have to keep close watch on Pirlo (many people's alternative player of the tournament) and Totti. The two lone front men - Henry and Toni may well find themselves starved of service in what should make for a cagey game of midfield keep ball. The danger area for France is the attacking threat posed by the industrious Italian full-backs - Zambrotta and semi final hero Grosso, the result could well hinge on how Ribery and Malouda assist Sagnol and Abidal in keeping the Italian duo pegged back. France will be relying on Zidane to take control of the game and play in the two wingers to support Henry. A big liability for France is surely the goalkeeper, not many people would take Barthez ahead of Buffon and the former Manchester United man will have to keep his concentration firmly on the game, any mistake could be crucial. Much depends on the performances of the enigmatic Henry and Totti, neither player has really turned it on in the tournament and it's getting very late in the day to be thinking about making your mark.

With 20 minutes until kick off then, I really ought to finally decide who I think will win this match. So, I see a very tight game with little to choose between the two sides; I think at the end of normal time, the game will still be tied - either goalless or one-a-piece. As with the semi final, Italy really wont want the match going to a shootout and will kick on, at the same time, the French legs must surely go - with an average age of over 30 and a calendar month of high intensity football behind them it's almost a certainty. My only hope is that Zidane can sign out in style, as possibly the greatest footballer of the last decade or so, it's nothing more than he deserves.

Verdict: Italy win (in extra time).

Tags: world cup | france | italy

Crazy as she goes

2006-07-05T19:36:00.004+01:00

I suppose I'd better try and remember how to blog without mentioning the World Cup, not only because I hear there is more to life than football (really?) but to avoid alienating any of my readership of literally, 7 people.

So, in non-football related news, I stumbled across a fantastic mashup by renowned remixers - The Legion of Doom (Chad Blinman and Trever Keith) tonight. It combines Gnarls Barkley's ubiquitous hit Crazy with The Raconteurs' Steady As She Goes and sprinkles on top a little Grandmaster Flash for good measure. You should definitely download it from their PureVolume page, easily the best mashup of the year for me.

Tags: legion of doom | mashups | gnarls barkley | raconteurs

World Cup semi final predictions, part 2

2006-07-05T19:05:00.000+01:00

Portugal Vs France

Some people (myself included) expected an England against Brazil semi final rather than this one but you can't deny that the best two teams over the tournaments duration have progressed through. Portugal are strengthened by the return of Deco and Costinha from suspension but have slight injury concerns over both Luis Figo and Christiano Ronaldo. France have a full quota to choose from and are expected to stick with the same team that beat both Spain and Brazil.

One major worry for French fans must be Zidane's yellow card, one moment of recklessness or a lapse of concentration could see him booked and consequently unavailable for the final. He's not alone in that situation though - Maniche, Valente, Carvalho, Ricardo and Figo, Ribery, Saha, Sagnol and Thuram will all be suspended for the final in Berlin if booked tonight. Not only would Zidane's loss be a disaster for France, it would also be a great loss for football, ZZ has really turned it on in the knockout stages and he looked ten years younger than his receding hair suggested as he rolled back the years and tore the talented Spain and Brazil apart.

France's success has largely been down to the return to form of their aging midfield trio - Viera, Makelele and Zidane (the latter two of course, had previously announced their international retirement, whilst the former has had a mostly ineffectual season with Juventus). The match will be won in midfield (this is rapidly becoming a prolix catchphrase...) and much will depend on how Costinha marshals Zidane, you would expect Makelele and Viera to nullify the threat of Deco and Maniche. Portugal seem to have very good wingbacks and have made good use of them going forward (that Valente looks especially good...), France on the other hand aren't nearly as strong in terms of attacking fullbacks and I can see Portugal getting some joy down the flanks. If both Figo and Ronaldo were to miss the match though, this effect would be much diminished.

So, the result then... I see goals in this game and think Portugal with Deco back again should look a much better side than the one that couldn't beat a dire 10 man England side, however, it has to be the French with another Zidane inspired victory, that said, it's about time Henry put in a performance worthy of his stature.

Verdict: France win (in normal time).

Tags: world cup | france | zidane | portugal

World Cup semi final predictions, part 1

2006-07-04T19:49:00.000+01:00

Germany Vs Italy

Back in May, these two teams played a friendly; Italy played Germany off the park and eventually won 4-1. Since then, Italy have infamously become embroiled in all manner of domestic league scandals whilst Germany have united under the tutelage of Jurgen Klinsmann and spurred on by fantastic support - look a real force in this tournament. How times have changed.

Though it shouldn't be an issue, the statistic that Germany boast a record in the match stadium of 13 wins and a draw from 14 games and a positive goal difference of +52 is mightily impressive. Italy have Materazzi back after his suspension although Nesta is still unfit, Germany look able to field both Klose and Ballack who were slight injury worries but will be missing Frings who was retrospectively punished for his involvement in the mass brawl after the quarter final with Argentina. Frings will be a big loss to the hosts, it's his tenacious protection of the back four that allows Ballack to maraud forward and provide the key link between midfield and attack. It seems that Borowski will take his place and his performance may well be all important in determining Germany's success.

This will be a close, tight game and I can't see many goals in it - despite Germany's woeful defence. With their respective records in World Cup penalty shootouts (Italy never won, Germany never lost) the Italians will do all they can to win in normal time. I think they might just manage that.

Verdict: Italy win (in normal time).

Tags: world cup | germany | italy

World Cup quarter final predictions, part 2

2006-07-01T20:13:00.000+01:00

I can only apologise for not completing my second set of predictions. For the record, I would have gone for an England win.

As the last quarter final still has a long way to go, I'll make a quick prediction:

Brazil Vs France

The last two World Cup winners come together in what should be an entertaining match. Brazil are looking far from the imperious side we expected and Ronaldinho has had an extremely quiet tournament thus far. France were lucky to get through their group after some very poor performances and questions were asked about the decision to include so many of the older players in the squad. They took Spain apart though with Viera and Zidane rolling back the years and Ribery living up to his billing as the most exciting young French player for years. As is the usual case, the battle will fought in midfield, how will the experienced old guard of France cope with the guile and invention of Brazil's midfield? Henry has also yet to shine in the tournament - arguably he is yet to shine in international football full stop and like his Champions League Final rival, Ronaldinho, he has a point to prove and a reputation to live up to. Roberto Carlos and Cafu, along with Zidane, Thuram and Barthez are quite possibly playing their last tournament, they will want to go out in style.

I see the game being a close fought battle but one eventually won by Brazil, avenging that defeat in the final eight years ago. They haven't really been tested at the back and Henry will certainly do that but Brazil should have too much quality to lose this.

Verdict: Brazil win.

Tags: world cup | france | brazil

And it's goodbye from him...

2006-06-30T19:54:00.000+01:00

Well, if you will take off Crespo and Riquelme, refuse to play Messi and try and ride out a 1-0 win by time wasting...

Tags: maradona

World Cup quarter final predictions

2006-06-30T12:27:00.000+01:00

As the last eight teams prepare for their matches, I suppose I should make some predictions:

Germany Vs Argentina

Before the tournament started, you wouldn't have given Germany a prayer in this match. Indeed, the Germans second group game saw a distinctly unconvincing late victory over Poland, where as Argentina were destroying the team with the best qualifying defensive record in Europe, 6-0. However, since that game, Germany have started to impress with their forward play and kept two clean sheets, they now look dangerous with Ballack providing the assists and the two Poles up front topping the scoring charts. Argentina on the other hand have perhaps peaked too soon and only avoided the dreaded penalty shootout against an impressive Mexico side thanks to a miracle strike from Maxi Rodriguez. This is shaping up to be a fantastic game and is a real tough one to call. I'll go with Argentina but it all depends on how their midfield cope with Ballack, the other interesting battle is that of Lahm running at the hapless Scaloni - should be entertaining! If it goes to extra time and penalties, I think the Germans might well edge it, home support can never be underestimated; Argentina must win in 90 minutes.

Verdict: Argentina win.

Italy Vs Ukraine

Probably the least immediately enthralling of the four quarter finals on paper. Italy have been ruthless throughout and have already played some very good teams, teams much better than Ukraine in fact. Shevchenko has hardly set the World Cup alight and as the Ukraine's talisman he hasn't really performed, even missing a penalty in the shootout with Switzerland. The last time Ukraine met a decent team, they got beaten 4-0, whilst Italy do not pose the same attacking threat of Spain, I still can't see beyond them winning this match with ease. Defensively they have been superb and conceded just one goal so far, a feat equalled only by Brazil and Portugal.

Verdict: Italy win.

Tomorrow's predictions to follow.

Tags: world cup | germany | argentina | brazil | france

Newsnight dynamite

2006-06-26T20:12:00.000+01:00

The political blogosphere is excitedly awaiting tonight's Newsnight interview with Charles Clarke, the former Home Secretary breaks his silence to talk of his time in office, his departure from the Cabinet and the performance of his successor, John Reid.

The BBC are claiming that what he has to say is "political dynamite".

Tags: newsnight | charles clarke

A visitor drops by the office

2006-06-26T16:20:00.000+01:00

In possibly the most exciting event ever to ever happen at work, a pigeon has landed and remained sat upon our office window ledge for the last twenty minutes. He (or she - for we are currently unaware how to determine the gender of a pigeon) walks up and down, fluffs his/her feathers and then taps on the window with his/her little beak. Photo's available here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/pr0lix/sets/72157594178074455/

I tried to talk to it but a puzzled expression suggested it couldn't understand my pigeon English (sorry, couldn't resist that).

Tags: pigeons | office

Word of the day challenge

2006-06-25T10:26:00.000+01:00

Dictionary.com excelled themselves with yesterday's 'word of the day':

Brobdingnagian\brob-ding-NAG-ee-uhn\, adjective:

Of extraordinary size; gigantic; enormous.

The venture capital business has a size problem. A monstrous, staggering, stupefying one. Brobdingnagian even.
-- Russ Mitchell, "Too Much Ventured Nothing Gained", Fortune, November 11, 2002

Any savvy dealer . . . will try to talk you up to one of the latest behemoths, which have bloated to such Brobdingnagian dimensions as to have entered the realm of the absurd.
-- Jack Hitt, "The Hidden Life of SUVs", Mother Jones, July/August 1999

It's a great vocabulary expanding service - word of the day. The best part, is the challenge of remembering the word and it's meaning and attempting to use it in conversation within the 24 hours before recieving the next word of the day. I love my little challenges. The best part of the game though, far from being able to successfully use the word, is the reaction of the person/s in the conversation when you explain how a cockaigne ideal has never seemed so far away.

Tags: brobdingnagian | words

What striker shortage?

2006-06-22T15:18:00.000+01:00

I don't know why everyone keeps going on about England only taking four strikers and now only having three since Owen has returned home. Everybody is foolishly overlooking the fifth striker, he's already with the squad in Germany, he's tall, strong and never out of the box.

His name?

David James!

Well, he has more Premiership experience as a striker than Theo Walcott.

Tags: world cup | england | david james

Prediction results, England Vs Sweden

2006-06-21T17:53:00.000+01:00

Jamie Carragher will have a solid game defensively but offer precious little going forward - he won't make double figures in terms of forward passes (that aren't hopeful punts).

Well, Carragher offered next to nothing going forward and barely played a single forward ball all night - I was correct in that prediction. I had expected him to be much more solid in defence though.

Verdict: Half right.

Ashley Cole will be the complete opposite, he will have an abysmal game defensively and frequently be at fault but will offer an outlet going forward and link up well with his namesake, Joe.

Ashley Cole certainly had an abysmal game in defensive terms but I was perhaps too optimistic in thinking he would be better going forwards.

Verdict: Half right.

John Terry will be sturdy in defence whilst his more flamboyant partner gets caught in possession more than once.

Terry had an absolute shocker and was worse than Rio.

Verdict: Incorrect.

Robinson will fluff a couple of catches from crosses and corners but will get away with it.

Robinson was guilty of a few mistakes and his play from corners and crosses was dreadful, I was wrong to think he'd get away with it!

Verdict: Half right.

I will moan about Beckham's inability to beat a man or tackle, he'll then pull out an incredible 60 yard pass and make me look an utter fool.

This was eerily accurate in that I spent a lot of time moaning about him and the only worthwhile thing he did all night was make a superb 60 yard pass to Rooney. That aside, he was a dire.

Verdict: Correct.

Crouch will come on and score.

He certainly came on - a little earlier than I was anticipating admittedly, he failed to score though.

Verdict: Incorrect.

Hargreaves will be solid enough but his distribution will let him down, we still won't know where we stand with him.

Hargreaves' performance (along with Joe Cole's) was one of the few positives to come out of the match, he was solid and covered a lot of ground. His distribution was unspectacular but he hardly gave the ball away at all. I think we are all a little wiser as to why he was selected now.

Verdict: Half right.

Lampard will get booked (resulting in him missing the next game).

Well, Frank didn't get booked; he didn't do anything at all in fact.

Verdict: Inorrect.

Linderoth and Alexandersson wil play infinitely better than they ever managed for Everton.

Linderoth was superb and effectively marked Lampard out of the game, Alexandersson though was poor - Joe Cole ran him ragged.

Verdict: Half right.

The match will finish 1-1.

It looked to be headed for this very scoreline until Gerrard popped up and consequently provoked a Swedish response. I was right in predicting a draw but can't justify giving myself even a 'half right'.

Verdict: Incorrect

TOTAL: (Assuming 1 point for a correct prediction, 0.5 for a half right one and 0 points for an incorrect prediction).

= 3.5

Not a good performance at all... and my predictions weren't up to much either.

Tags: predictions | world cup | england

Match predictions, England Vs Sweden

2006-06-20T18:27:00.000+01:00

With just ninety minutes until England's final group game against Sweden kicks off, I'm going to stick my neck out and make a few predictions:

Jamie Carragher will have a solid game defensively but offer precious little going forward - he won't make double figures in terms of forward passes (that aren't hopeful punts).

Ashley Cole will be the complete opposite, he will have an abysmal game defensively and frequently be at fault but will offer an outlet going forward and link up well with his namesake, Joe.

John Terry will be sturdy in defence whilst his more flamboyant partner gets caught in possession more than once.

Robinson will fluff a couple of catches from crosses and corners but will get away with it.

I will moan about Beckham's inability to beat a man or tackle, he'll then pull out an incredible 60 yard pass and make me look an utter fool.

Crouch will come on and score.

Hargreaves will be solid enough but his distribution will let him down, we still won't know where we stand with him.

Lampard will get booked (resulting in him missing the next game).

Linderoth and Alexandersson wil play infinitely better than they ever managed for Everton.

The match will finish 1-1.

I fully expect you to hold me to these and ridicule me for my inaccuracies and negativity when the match is over.

Tags: world cup | england| sweden

Technorati Tagging

2006-06-19T23:22:00.000+01:00

I've been having a play around with Technorati and have (at last) come to understand both the reasons behind and procedures for post tagging - hence some posts will now feature a selection of tags at the end. Ok, as you were.

Tags: technorati | tagging

Black Horse Festival - better late than never

2006-06-17T13:19:00.000+01:00

I intended posting about this at the time, for that would have been logical. I didn't though. So here it is! Three weeks late, the Black Horse Festival post.

A little background information - the festival is named after the pub where it is based in Telham, near Hastings, East Sussex. It occurs annually over the last weekend in May, starting on Friday night and running through to Monday night. 2006 was the 17th year of the festival; I estimate that I've been to around 10 of those.

As usual, the line-up was nothing if not eclectic, I selected the best sessions from my point of view - Friday night and Sunday night. Friday saw playing: The Rob Tognoni Band, Nelson King and The Wilko Johnson Band, whilst Sunday night featured: The Tabs (Acoustic), Shooglenifty and Blue Horses. The highlights were both headline acts.

The Wilko Johnson Band consist of Wilko himself (formerly of Dr Feelgood) on vocals and guitar, Norman Watt-Roy (of the Blockheads) on bass and former Jesus And Mary Chain drummer, Steve Monti. I was already sure that the rhythm section would be fantastic, just from looking at the artists and bands both Monti and Watt-Roy have worked with - Curve and Gang of Four, The Clash and Nick Cave being the most impressive respectively. What I wasn't prepared for though, was Wilko himself. His uniquely choppy style (others have 'chopped' but none so effectively) and yappy vocals combined brilliantly, the band were incredibly tight as you'd expect. You can see a video of the band performing from way back when, here on YouTube.

Blue Horses were an altogether different act. Described by the BBC as being "probably the only Celtic-rock-folk-heavy-metal-goth band around", they're quite possibly right. No doubt you are now thinking - there's a good reason why they're "probably the only Celtic-rock-folk-heavy-metal-goth band around". I don't think I could listen to a whole Blue Horses album (which is where I differ from Mojo magazine who made them album of the month and Classic Rock magazine who named them best of 2005) but in a live enviroment they make for enchanting viewing and great fun. Besides, where else can you hear a medley of celtic-goth songs played on electric harp, electric violin and space mandolin?

Having finally now signed up to Flickr, you can see some photos of the festival here.

Tags: blue horses | wilko johnson | live music

The World Cup, days 1 and 2

2006-06-11T12:03:00.000+01:00

Having successfully seen off the 'summer cold', i've hastily put together a scrappy post about my feelings thus far on the World Cup:

I've been avidly watching all the matches so far, by some distance; the best match has been last night's between Argentina and the Ivory Coast. It was a fantastic spectacle, really open, with some great skill on display from both teams. Ivory Coast look strong and pacy, a team of real athletes - Everton could do with signing a few Ivorians! Argentina looked like they were coasting for a lot of the game, they were deft, clinical and incisive, my pre-tournament thoughts that they were the real challengers to Brazil looks correct. As I also suspected, Holland might well not get out of this group. I can see them faltering to Serbia - who only conceded ONE goal in qualifying (and that was to Spain) and they will be lucky to take points from Argentina and the Ivory Coast on last night's performance. The Holland camp has already seen a few internal arguments - well, it is tradition isn't it, this will surely be a contributing factor. Group C seems to be by far the most interesting group.

England were very disappointing yesterday but the heat must have been a factor, especially with the opposition being a South American team - more used to the heat and effective in keeping possession. I felt that both England wingbacks were poor, Ashley Cole was particularly woeful and Paraguay were getting a lot of joy attacking him down the right. He offered us next to nothing going forward so I would have advocated taking him off for much more solid Carragher, Cole just doesn't look fit. Nor for that matter did Michael Owen, which is why it was strange he was taken off so early - surely if he's low on match fitness, he needs more time on the pitch to get back to the appropriate level? And why take him off for another midfielder and invite pressure on to ourselves? If Walcott isn't good enough to come on, Sven shouldn't have taken him ahead of Defoe and Bent or at least taken one of those two in addition to Walcott and at the expense of the redundant Jenas. Baffling! As was the decision to bring on Hargreaves ahead of Carrick...

As usual, the second half saw England settle on their lead and defend the game out whilst foolishly giving the ball away cheaply at almost every opportunity, Robinson was particularly guilty of this with his poor distribution and refusal to hold on to the ball for longer than 3 seconds. It doesn't bode well for the rest of the tournament but we don't play anymore games so early in the afternoon now and the players have got that difficult first game out of the way - we hadn't won an opening game since beating Tunisia 2-0 in France '98. The biggest help has been Sweden's failure to beat a determined Trinidad and Tobago side, meaning England can guarantee qualification to the second round with a win over T&T on Thursday. Hopefully after running themselves in to the ground against Sweden, the players will be tired, we shouldn't bank on that though and need a confidence boosting performance ahead of a tough game with Sven's homeland. Positively, no-one in Group A looks overly impressive and hopefully England can count on making the quarter finals at the least.

Overdriven guitars, dreamy vocals and Olbas Oil

2006-06-06T21:15:00.000+01:00

Summer has arrived, it truly has. I can tell you this because I have developed my traditional 'summer cold', this time-honoured illness serves as the perfect barometer - it's also a major annoyance. I won't bore you with further details.

The good news though, and something which is most soothing in my time of need, is this fabulous post from MarsNeedsGuitars. A collaborative post from a variety of music bloggers, it sees the participants name their favourite shoegaze track and includes a brief story as to why it is their favourite, you can download every song listed. Just the ticket then for a miserable, snotty, Tuesday.

Turn up Chapterhouse and wait for winter.

Big Brother Lookalikes #003

2006-06-05T11:10:00.000+01:00

I have created a monster, this series could run and run, much like the programme itself then...

The latest lookalikes brought to my attention:

We have Imogen, the dull Welsh princess who is the spitting image of actress Ally Sheedy. Fellow Welsh housemate Glynn, who has more than a passing resemblance to Scottish tennis prodigy Andy Murray and finally transvestite Sam who's red cheeks see her looking a LOT like Rosie of Rosie and Jim fame.

Big Brother Lookalikes #002

2006-06-01T19:59:00.000+01:00

Another collection of Big Brother lookalikes from a more creative perspective.

I'll name the people pictured, for they're not exactly A-List (not that A-List either). First is Limahl the singer in Kajagoogoo - a perfect match with Sezer the sadly now evicted, sex-dwarf. Next up is another Grace lookalike, it's ex-Eastender Susan Tully everyone! Finally we have a further doppelganger for Nikki, in the divine (grayscale) shape of Jane of Rod, Jane and Freddy fame.

Good work team. Let's keep this up.

Andy Johnson, Goodison Hero

2006-05-31T17:18:00.000+01:00

So, Andy Johnson is now officially an Everton player, all for the princely sum of 8.6 million pounds. I'm delighted with the signing but must confess to having reservations about the fee.

I'll start with the positives. Johnson is the player we've been crying out for, he has pace in abundance and a good poacher's instinct. The highest finishing Everton teams under Moyes both featured a pacey striker (Radzinski for the magnificent 7th and then Marcus Bent for the fantastic 4th) but neither had anywhere near as good finishing ability as Johnson. The likes of Darren Bent and Bellamy showed last season just how effective pace can be with their impressive goal hauls. A hopeful long ball can turn in to a goal scoring opportunity just like that. With pace, you are always in with a chance, be it from an opposition mistake, a hopeful punt (and we do enough of that) or a sublime through ball (Lee Carsley had best get working on that). Johnson should compliment Beattie rather well, much the same as Beattie worked best in partnership with Kevin Phillips and Marian Pahars for Southampton.

The price though, I keep coming back to the price. In a realistic market, Johnson should have a value of no more than 6 million pounds, one successful Premiership season (albeit one where more than half of the goals scored were penalties - more on that to follow) and a couple of England caps in meaningless games shouldn't make for a huge transfer fee. That said, Peter Crouch - was he really worth the eight or so million sthat Liverpool paid? What about Ashton at 7.5 million pounds? It could be argued that both clubs paid over the odds there. In the case of Johnson, unlike Crouch and Ashton, where if my memory serves me correctly there was only the one club involved - Bolton, Wigan and Everton all offered 8.5 million for AJ. Surely then, that must be the going rate, whether it's a true reflection of value or not is irrelevant. There was no talk of the three clubs agreeing a ceiling price as was allegedly the case with Everton and Villa over James Beattie which again emphasises that all three clubs saw 8.5 million as a fair price.

What of the debate about his alleged diving and the number of penalties that contributed to the 21 Premiership goals he scored in 2004/2005? You can't strike them off his tally, rightly or wrongly, the history books will tell how 21 goals were scored by Johnson that season. I'm not going to claim that I've researched this extensively but I am pretty sure that at least two thirds of those penalties were won by Johnson himself, a player with his pace is always likely to be brought down in the area. This might be selective memory recall but I do remember thinking that most of his penalties were genuine at the time. An interesting question is who will take our penalty kicks next season (assuming we get some, ahem). Beattie is a confident and clinical taker, Arteta has taken them on occasions and now the addition of penalty specialist Johnson. One thing is for sure, we ought to be alright in a shooutout, or certainly better equipped than we were before.

Johnson is potentially the best signing we have made since Andrei Kanchelskis and we'll soon forget about the price when the goals start flying in. A Tony Cottee style debut hattrick wouldn't go amiss. Not only this, but I think we'll see a much improved James Beattie for having a regular partner upfront who has a bit of pace about him. It's often overlooked that Johnson's 21 goals came from him playing as a lone frontman, just think what he could in a 4-4-2! We now have in our side, two, one time 20+ goals a season strikers, that's pretty impressive, in fact, thinking about, we might be the only side in the league to have that. I'm not sure Rooney has scored 20 in the league and Van Nistelrooy is on the way out anyway. Chelsea don't, Henry doesn't have a partner with that record, although perhaps Bergkamp managed it at one point. Owen has never scored 20 league goals in a season so Newcastle aren't even close. Defoe and Keane? I don't think they have. No doubt if I'm wrong, it will be pointed out in the comments. For now though, I am happy that for once, Everton appear to be on the up and A Johnson is this time having a positive effect on the club.

Big Brother Lookalikes #001

2006-05-30T21:59:00.000+01:00

Vernon Kay and Mikey is far too obvious, it just displays a lack of effort! Here are two more creative lookalikes...

Other suggestions are very much welcomed in the comments section.

All Quiet In The East Stand? Hardly.

2006-05-30T15:12:00.000+01:00

In a story surely beyond the imagination of Eastenders scriptwriters, a suited man from a legal firm broke in to Iain Dowie's Charlton unveiling press conference to present him with a writ from Simon Jordan - all live on Sky Sports News.

Trapped at work, I've been unable to see the footage but fortunately All Quiet In The East Stand is liveblogging the unfolding drama.

Jordan is understandably peeved at Dowie, having waived a million pound clause in his contract to allow him to leave the club - on the grounds that he was moving north to spend more time with his family. Well, he has moved north. About 15 miles north, to manage rivals Charlton Athletic!

Jordan might have a reputation as a bruiser and a bully but he only does what he feels is best for the club, his taking a stance on the issue of agents for example was and still is, hugely admirable.

What odds on Palace and Charlton meeting in the cup this year?

Me, myself and I

2006-05-27T15:05:00.000+01:00

The Rainbow Connection has seen my meme and raised me one. Duty-bound to fill it, I've done just that:

I AM: ... ~~the most belligerent man you'll ever meet~~. Nice.
I WANT: ... candy.
I HATE: ... intolerance, prejudice and melted cheese.
I MISS: ... erable frequently. I also cannot spell miserable or construct a sentence correctly.
I FEAR: ... irreparable mental disintegration.
I HEAR: ... the distant sound of traffic.
I WONDER: ... whether 8.5million pounds is far too much money for Andy Johnson.
I REGRET: ... letting something slip through my fingers when it might never happen again.
I AM NOT: ... just a National Insurance Number!
I DANCE: ... never and will endeavour to keep it that way for the good of all mankind.
I SING: ... like Steve Lamaq would.
I SEE: ... pixels, lots of them.
I CRY: ... rarely.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: ... this indecisive. Or am I?
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: ... origami swans? I don't really understand the question...
I WRITE: ... quite scruffily and so try to stick to typing where possible.
I CONFUSE: ... David Starkey with Simon Schama.
I NEED: ... one sugar in my tea. I've tried without but find it undrinkable.
I SHOULD: ... drink more water.
I START: ... work too early.
I FINISH: ... work too late.

I won't tag anyone but if you want to do it then feel free. Go on, fill your boots.

Whining, whining Arsenal

2006-05-18T11:51:00.000+01:00

Already I'm fed up with whining Arsenal fans. The most grating statement being "the best team lost". No, the best team didn't lose, the best team won. How can Arsenal possibly be the best team? They struggled to finish fourth in the Premiership this year and had to rely on a mysterious stomach virus to achieve that on the last day of the season. Barcelona had already sewn up the La Liga title for the second year running and with three games to spare.

What about the match itself then? Gunners fans lament the referee but whilst I agree that he was by and large hopeless, biased he was not. The sending off of Jens Lehman was completely justified, it was a blatant foul denying a clear goal scoring opportunity, yet strangely, it is this decision that Arsenal fans are claiming "ruined the match". The options available to the referee were to let play continue and allow the ensuing goal then book Lehman or to stop play, send off Lehman and give Barcelona the free kick. Seeing as the whistle had been blown before the ball went in, the decision was already made. Of course, the other alternative would be to have allowed the goal and then gone back and sent him off, that wouldn't have been completely untoward either. I can't help but feel that there was some karma involved in the incident; Lehman has spent most of the season getting away with shoving over and swearing at opposition players who have the audacity to stand in his vicinity so it was fitting that he should be sent off in the biggest game of his career.

Following the sending off, Eboue 'tackled' a Barca player with his studs at stomach height, he was lucky to escape with a booking. Eboue was then a part of the 'forgotten moment' of the match when he dived outrageously to win the free kick that Sol Campbell consequently scored from. Wenger was, as usual, looking elsewhere for that instant.

Arsenal fans should look to their own ranks before blaming the referee (the Barcelona equalizer wasn't offside either), the opposition and UEFA. Lehman has enough experience to know you can't do that in topflight football and expect to get away with it, Henry missed two chances that he would have slotted in for fun against a midtable Premiership side and Wenger's tactics could be called in to question (why leave bringing on Reyes so late?).

Thankfully, the best team in Europe has actually won the Champions League for once rather than the fifth best team in England last season and so nearly this season as well. A victory for football.

The hard work at work meme

2006-05-12T11:29:00.000+01:00

I am not yet close to being reviled enough in the blogosphere and as such am going to commit one of the cardinal sins and start a meme. You heard me. I'm starting a meme.

The idea is this; you list 10 things that annoy you about your workplace/colleagues and then link to three people you wish to tag. Handy tip - probably best to only do this if your colleagues don't read your blog...

I'd better start then:

The 49 year old man who upon returning from lunch will re-greet everyone by saying "Yo!". Everyday! It's just wrong. He doesn't wear a baseball cap and Bermuda shorts but he really should with that in his vocabulary.

The guy who whistles constantly in such a way that he's not actually whistling at all - just exhaling really loudly.

An age-old one now, the guy who talks to himself, everything he does has to involve him speaking it out loud.

I washed my car on Sunday. It was parked at work for less than an hour before it was inconsiderately shat upon by what must have been a passing eagle. Not funny.

The girl who tells me about everything yet nothing. What she bought in the supermarket, how Heinz have brought out a new range of beans and how her car is going in for its MOT but she doesn't pay the labour charge because her cousin knows the mechanic... (I had this one three times; surely she must remember she had already told me? Or, maybe she tells so many people that she forgets who she has and hasn't told).

The guy who always answers the inevitable "get up to much at the weekend?" question with "I pottered about". What does that mean? And every weekend? I'm sure if he went away on safari for a year, he'd tell us upon his return that it was "alright" and he "just pottered around". Argh!

"At the end of the day", I've never been a great admirer of this phrase, especially when it's repeated often four or five times in the same two minute conversation by the same person featured in number six.

Another typical one now; the tea-point being left in a mess and the tea bag/milk/sugar supplies not being restocked by the person who used the last one. If you moan about this, people assume you are obsessive, which to be fair, might be accurate but THINK OF THE HYGIENE ISSUES. WON'T YOU PLEASE THINK OF THE HYGIENE ISSUES?!

See above, but replace tea bag/milk/sugar supplies with paper. People not restocking the printer tray, that really irks me as well.

The work.

The following people can consider themselves tagged (if you're unable to have a go then feel free to tag someone else):

Art therapy (from Slaminsky)

2006-05-10T19:26:00.001+01:00

Annie over at Slaminsky has psychologically analysed my crazed scribbles and attempted to make sense of them. She's arrived at some startlingly accurate conclusions and made some astute observations. It's well worth reading, especially for the comments on the doodles submitted by Mr Angry.

Down Colourful Hill

2006-05-09T12:14:00.000+01:00

In another music related post, I've been listening to the Red House Painters this morning - named after Eastwood's plan in the fantastic High Plains Drifter, or so rumour has it. I only have the two Painters' albums in Down Colourful Hill and Songs For A Blue Guitar, it's the former that I'll be jabbering on about for the next few minutes.

Red House Painters (I wont refer to them as RHP to avoid any horrific Red Hot Chilli Peppers mix-ups) play melancholic, enchanting, lumbering music with just the slightest touch of bittersweet happiness (you don't want too much joy, oh no). Muso's will call them an archetypal slowcore or sadcore band (think American Music Club, Low and Lambchop). They are fronted by singer and songwriter Mark Kozelek, a man with a reflective and introspective writing style; often featuring the topics of childhood and growing up. He has a voice to die for, his smooth tone and world-weary sound are testament to his tumultuous youth - addicted to heroin aged ten, allegedly and moved from home to home without love or stability.

Down Colourful Hill was the debut album from the band and came out in 1992. Only six tracks but a running time of 43 minutes.

The following lyrics are from the third track and probably my favourite - Medicine Bottle, the song tells the story of an introvertive, borderline agoraphobic man who meets a girl and tries to let her in to his life. It's written from the perspective of the man and narrated as though Kozelek is indeed him, he probably was/is anyway.

It starts:
"Giving into love and sharing my time,
letting someone into my misery"

and ends:
"From my world in my bedroom,
It's all in his head, she read,
In a girlfriend's self-help book,
It's all 'cause he's making a war with himself,
Like two sides with a wall,
That separates two countries,
He shuts out the world he once knew,
To love you."

I think it's a fantastically well written song and Kozelek's voice is at it's heartbreaking best throughout the (almost) 10 minute duration. Be warned though, The Painters are certainly not to everyone's tastes and you may well find them depressing, boring and/or 'mopey'. But that would make you a heathen...

UPDATE:

I neglected to mention anything about Sun Kil Moon, the latest venture undertaken by Kozelek, alongside Tim Mooney of American Music Club, Geoff Stanfield and Anthony Koutsos. Their one major release - Ghosts of the Great Highway came out in 2003 and was largely thought to be Kozelek's masterpiece, slightly more upbeat than his Red House Painters work, though hardly to Good Vibrations proportions (surely the most uplifting song of all time?). Sun Kil Moon take their name from a Korean boxer and the band play a number of tracks named after pugilists - Salvador Sanchez and Pancho Villa, their songs also contain references to the sport. The opening track from the album, Glenn Tipton (yes, after the Judas Priest guitarist) begins: "Cassius Clay got hit more than Sonny Liston, some like KK Downing some prefer Glenn Tipton". The album's standout track though, and the one that first introduced me to Kozelek (via an Uncut compilation) is Carry Me Ohio, for me, one of the best songs ever written. Don't take my word for it though. Download it here.